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Teen Years (13-18)
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It's a known fact: Teenagers claim that adults who aren't their parents often influence them just as strongly as (or even more than) their own mothers or fathers. Whether it's a teacher, coach, scout leader or church youth pastor, a caring adult can serve as an important mentor to help teens make the right choices as they transition into adulthood. Although some adults play a major role in a teen's formative years, others contribute in small ways that still have a lasting effect. A friend of mine recently reminisced that when he was a teenager a parent from the high school football team always showed up after the games - whether they were won or lost - with cold drinks and positive feedback. As a parent today, my friend makes every effort to emulate this person's behavior because he remembers how it helped him as a teenager. "Different adults can have a huge influence on a teenager because they tend to be more non-judgmental and better listeners than the child's parents," says Bob Sklar, a Fullerton-based family counselor. Other adults can actually reinforce a parent's lessons without conflicts that often arise in the parent-child relationship. An adult mentor also gives a teenager another standard against which to compare their adults. Some teens who think their parents are too strict may learn that other adults have similar characteristics. Sklar adds that an adult mentor can help a teen bring up topics they may not yet want to talk about with their own parents. Whether the subject involves dating, problems with friends or college/career plans, it can be helpful to have an adult's perspective without parental scrutiny. Finally, adult mentoring offers a sense of protection and support. Knowing that another adult is looking out for them makes a teenager feel more self-confident at a time when many deal with insecurities. Recognizing the value of adult mentoring, many organizations and school districts have developed programs that encourage these relationships. In addition to scouts and organized sports programs in which teens interface regularly with adult mentors, groups such as Junior Achievement and Big Brothers Big Sisters offer numerous mentoring services that assist local teenagers. According to Will Ferguson, program director for Orange County's Junior Achievement, adult volunteer mentors participate with about 70 schools in Orange County by "not only exposing teens to real-world career opportunities, they also teach them life skills in terms of personal finance and job interviewing." Big Brother Big Sister was probably the first formal youth mentoring program in the country, geared specifically toward children who may lack an active father or mother in their lives. Adult mentor volunteers serve as Big Brothers or Big Sisters by meeting either one-on-one or in group settings for an extended period of time. Studies have confirmed that this type of interaction has caused these children to be less likely to get involved in drugs and alcohol, to stay in school, perform better academically and get along better with family and friends. In Orange County, there are about 600 active matches of Big Brothers and Big Sisters to young people. For the past few years, Newport Mesa Unified School District has been offering a mentoring program (Project Caring Connections) for children in grades kindergarten through high school. What started out as a small pilot project has now grown into a full-scale mentoring program after the district received federal grant money. Adult volunteer mentors are paired with children in grades 4 through 8. The mentors come to the school once a week to eat lunch and spend time during recess with their student. The program has recently been expanded to pair college students from UC Irvine with high school students. According to Rhonda Reid, coordinator of Project Caring Connections, research proves that the more positive adult role models a child has in their life, the more successful they will be as adults. "In today's hectic world, children and teenagers simply need someone who will listen to them, not someone who's trying to fix them or someone who's telling them they need to improve their grades - just someone who's there for them," Reid says. Statistics also demonstrate the program's success. Since it was implemented, 34% of the students have experienced improvement in their core academic subjects and there has also been an 8% reduction in absences and improved citizenship measurements. At a time when so many parents are focused on finding tutors to help their children with academics, a caring adult mentor might be all they need. As Reid notes, "research in the field has shown that mentoring that focuses on relationships has a much better impact on students than tutoring." Carol Daus is a freelance writer who lives in Huntington Beach with her husband and three teenagers. RESOURCES: Big Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County: 714.544.7773 or bigbrooc.org Junior Achievement of Orange County: 949.515.1998 or orangecounty.ja.org Project Caring Connections, Newport Mesa Unified School District To volunteer as a mentor or for more information: 949.515.6680 |
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