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Education

Parent-teacher conferences How to get the most out of them By Denise YearianPublished: October, 2008

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At the start of every school year, parents enter into an alliance that greatly affects their children’s academic success. Though the parent-teacher partnership begins the day their students walk through the school doors, the true cooperative effort occurs during conference time.     Nearly all schools hold parent-teacher conferences in the fall. But frequency and duration vary from one academic setting to another. Some schools offer them once a year for 15 minutes. Others schedule them twice a year for 30 minutes.     “Whatever time slot parents have, they should come and make the most of the meetings,” says Andrea Graham, an elementary school teacher for 29 years. “If they have specific questions or concerns, I want them to be able to bring them to the table.” Get involved! That is what Darlene Harvey, a mother of three, does. “Before leaving for conferences, I jot down a few things that have come to mind while watching my kids do homework. I’ve found that if I don’t make a list of what I want to discuss, I later think, ‘Oh, I meant to bring that up!’”     Another thing Darlene does is talk with her children before leaving for the conference. “When the kids first started school, they seemed a little anxious whenever they found out I was going to the meetings,” she says. “So now, before I leave home, I just let them know if there is anything in particular that I am going to discuss with their teacher. This way, they can relax while I’m gone.”     During conference time, parents can expect to get a glimpse of their child’s work and find out how he is progressing.     This has been the experience of Nancy Thomas, a mother of three. “When my kids were younger, the teacher would show me samples of my child’s work and give me her feedback,” says Thomas. “It’s important to hear the teacher’s perspective. You may be thinking things are fine, but the teacher may have a concern.”              Darlene found this to be true. She thought her daughter Jayden was doing just fine until conference time. During the meeting, the teacher mentioned five test papers that were supposed to be signed by the parent, but hadn’t been returned. When Darlene got home, she asked her daughter about the papers and learned that it was a misunderstanding.    “Jayden said, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize they had to be signed and returned!’ She ran to her backpack and there they all were, stuffed in the bottom of her bag.” Darlene says if she hadn’t attended the conference, the situation may have gotten worse. The teacher’s input It’s natural for parents to come to the conference with expectations. Teachers have some, too. “My biggest expectation is that the parent wants to be there,” says Graham. “I want them to listen, but I also want them to share. They know their child best.”     One thing parents can do is tell the teacher a little about their child’s likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. It may even help to let the teacher know if there are any stressful conditions in the child’s life: a move to a new neighborhood, the death of a loved one, divorce, etc. “Anything that would help me to understand their child better, I want to know,” says Graham.     If an academic or behavioral issue is addressed, the majority of teachers will make a recommendation and ask for the parent’s input.     “Jessica had attended kindergarten at another school that didn’t stress phonics, and that put her really behind the other kids who were in her class,” Nancy explains. At  the conference, she and the teacher talked about ways to get Jessica all caught up. What if there’s a problem with the teacher? “Try to be non-confrontational, but deal with the issue,” says Darlene. “Express your concern without making accusations, and work together to solve it.”     Graham agrees. “If parents have questions or concerns with me, I want them to come and tell me. Then if they aren’t satisfied with my answer or don’t get the results they expect, they can go to the principal. But they should work with me first.”     Following the conference, parents should sit down with their child and talk about what was discussed. “Whether there is a problem or not, I tell the kids everything that went on,” says Nancy. “I want them to know we are all working together on this.”     And working together is what it’s all about. “I try to give 100 percent, and I want the parent and child to give 100 percent, too,” says Graham.     “What it boils down to is communication and cooperation; that’s what parent-teacher conferences are all about,” Darlene says. “It shouldn’t be the only time you touch base with the teacher. But it should lay the groundwork for a working relationship that will benefit your child throughout the year.”   Denise Yearian is the former editor of two parenting magazines and the mother of three children. Questions to ask the teacher: > Does my child seem happy at school? > Which subjects is she more eager to participate in? > Are there subjects my child needs extra help with? > Is she challenged by the work? > How does she react to trying new things? > How does she react to making mistakes? > How does my child interact with others? > Does she seem accepted among peers? > Are there any behavior problems? > How are her creative-thinking and problem-solving skills? Do you have any recommendations for development in these areas? > How much should I be involved in my child’s homework assignments?

Readers Feedback:

Great article! Thank you so much. I will ask some of these questions.

Comment at 10/17/2008

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