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“Can you spell your mommy’s name, too?” Expecting to hear her spell the name Lindsay, Maya said, “Yes. M-O-M!” READ MORE
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Raising children sure isn’t what it used to be. Family life for moms, their babies and young children has undergone major changes in the past 30 years – some good, some bad, and some … well, we’re not so sure. Parenting – as with just about every aspect of modern life – has grown complicated. Families have fewer children who may get more of their parents’ attention, but many kids today are overscheduled and exhausted. Moms have more parenting resources than their mothers did, but more mothers today work outside the home and carry a heavier load than ever. The Dawson family of Ladera Ranch has tried to simplify things. Mom Cathy, 42, works part time from home as a bookkeeper while caring for son Caleb, 5, and daughter Hope, 1. Husband Lindsay, 46, a fine art painter, also works from home. It’s a set-up the Orange County family is lucky to have. Their lives reflect one of the biggest changes during the past 30 years, which is, more options all around for the family. Says Cathy Dawson, who had her first child when she was 37, “We can create our own world and have it be the way we want it to be. We know a lot more about ourselves and how to be better parents. Dads are much more involved too, and that’s a huge bonus.” In this article, we touch on some of the big changes that Modern Times have brought to the Modern Mom. Better prenatal care Advancements in healthcare and medical technology have made a tremendous difference for today’s mothers and their babies. During the past 20 to 30 years, we’ve learned how to help prevent premature births and manage diseases like diabetes in pregnant women. We’ve added genetic testing and amniocentesis; ultrasound; and the fields of neonatology, perinatology (high-risk pregnancies), and infertility diagnosis and treatment to our medical care arsenal, says Orange County pediatrician Dr. Clyde Wesp. “We’ve learned a lot of things pregnant women should do and also things not to do,” says Dr. Wesp. We now know pregnant women should: • Eat healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables and foods or drinks high in calcium; avoid uncooked or undercooked meats and fish; and curb our Starbucks habit. • Take 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid every day to help prevent certain birth defects. One daily vitamin can handle this. (It is vital that childbirth-age women take action if pregnancy is a possibility as folic acid should be taken daily BEFORE and DURING pregnancy; see your doctor and also see Family News, this issue.) • See their healthcare provider for a complete checkup and report any prescription or nonprescription medicines they are taking since some are not safe at pregnancy. • Stop smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol or taking drugs. All three can cause long-term harm to the baby. Early years: A critical time for brain development Adults used to consider babies and toddlers as cute little beings that basically smiled, played, and, well, looked cute. We didn’t give them much credit for intellectual growth until they went to kindergarten. Research in the last two decades confirms, however, that early childhood – the period from birth to age 5 – is critically important to brain development. We now know that in early childhood, there are several brief windows of opportunity that create the foundation for emotional control, mathematical and language abilities, and the capacity to form social attachments. When these periods end, learning in these areas becomes more difficult. The reason is scientific. The brain grows by generating new connections among the cells that are present at birth. These new connections are shaped by what a child experiences: physical touch and comfort, nutrition, language, and play, among other things. Human interaction is critical. This newfound knowledge has empowered today’s parents to talk and play with their babies, toddlers and preschoolers in ways that foster learning during these critical times. Moms are older and more physically fit In 1970, the average age of an American mother was 24.6 years old and the average mother was 21.4 years old when she had her first child. By 2000, the average age of a mom had grown to 27.2 years and the average age for a new mom was 24.9 years old, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. In Southern California and among educated women, fortysomething moms with babies and preschoolers are common, says Dr. Wesp. Mothers today also tend to be more physically fit than ever before. That’s because doctors used to take a conservative approach on recommending exercise for expectant mothers, fearing overexertion might cause a miscarriage or harm the baby. In the late 1980s, however, new research found that active pregnant women often had trouble-free pregnancies and did not increase their or their baby’s risk for health problems. Some studies found that women who exercised regularly endured labor better. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists now encourages healthy, active women with uncomplicated pregnancies to follow the federal guidelines for adults, which call for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day several times a week. Pregnant women are still advised to avoid contact sports like basketball and dangerous activities like horseback riding and skiing because of the risk of injuries from a fall. Swimming and yoga are good choices. Fewer babies, smaller families Americans today are marrying later and having fewer children. There are many reasons for these trends, including the increased number of women in the work force who postpone childbearing, the escalating cost of raising a child, and an increase in single mothers. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, of the American families with their own children under 18 in 2004, the average number of kids in the household was 1.83 per family, down from 2.28 in 1970. Two-child families now constitute the most common family size and more couples than ever are having just one child. In his book, “Maybe One, A Case for Smaller Families,” author Bill McKibben cites research that suggests that the only-child gets more attention from his parents; has higher test scores and levels of achievement in school; and has greater development of positive personality traits like maturity and self-control. Save your pennies: Kids have gotten expensive My first real experience with child-related sticker-shock was when my son was about 14 months old. I went to Stride Rite to buy his first pair of ankle-support sneakers. They cost about $42 – twice the sum I’d spent on my sneakers. Ouch. They are expensive. It’s not just the food, clothing, housing and college. It’s the $15 you drop every month on birthday presents for classmates’ parties. It’s the $20 co-pay you dole out every time your child sees the pediatrician. It’s the $300 spent on a single day at Disneyland. Soccer games and dance classes add up. To get an idea of the costs, visit www.babycenter.com/costofchild/ Fill out the “Cost of Raising a Child Calculator” to figure out the cost of raising a child born between 1999 and 2006. The total for my son, born in 2000, is $521,142 – assuming he attends a public college. If he were born this year, my cost would be $651,790. (The calculations are based on figures from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s 2000 Annual Report, “Expenditures on Children by Families,” and a College Board report called, “Trends in College Pricing: 2001.”) Excluding college expenses, the USDA says in its 2004 report (viusda.gov/cnpp) that the average middle-income American in 2004 would spend $9,840 per year, per child. That same kid in 2021 will be 17, and will cost mom and dad $18,170 that year. In contrast, a decade ago, a middle-income American as projected to spend $7,860 per year, per child on that 1-year-old. Children today have less free time A generation ago, my two brothers would toss a football back and forth in the street in front of our house while I played hopscotch with a friend or rode my bike. We were home most afternoons playing after school and homework. Few of our peers were in organized sports or took music, dance or art lessons. Not anymore. Reflecting a growing trend in parenting in Southern California, more young children today are involved in multiple organized activities. Many are overwhelmed and tired. “Parents feel remiss that they’re not being good parents if their kids aren’t in all kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive,” says Alvin Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist and author of, “The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap.” He and other experts worry that today’s children have too little time to be creative or explore things in depth through free play. Children need time to read, write, think, dream, draw, build, create, and explore their interests. Experts say parents can: • Limit the amount of time their children spend in extracurricular activities. • Set apart time for children to have unstructured play. • Allow children to pursue their own interests. • Plan for family downtime when everyone can relax, talk, or play. Stimulating the young brain Parents today have much more than books and blocks to stimulate their babies and young children. Educational videos, tapes, DVDs, and websites for kids offer more choices. A mom, Julie Aigner-Clark, started a modern craze in our efforts to guide our kids from infancy to Ivy League when she founded The Baby Einstein Companbabyeinstein.com) in 1997 after the birth of her daughter. The Baby Einstein Company today dominates the market in infant development media products, including CDs, videos, flashcards, books, puppets, toys and a new animated TV show, all with a focus on classical music and art. These and similar commercial products say they make babies smarter; they imply that more stimulation is better. Does playing classical music to babies make them more intelligent? Some experts believe in “The Mozart Effect,” a theory that says listening to classical music boosts a child’s IQ, improves health, calms babies and stimulates the young brain in a way that helps educational and emotional development. Other experts now question whether too much stimulation for little ones is harmful. Dr. Wesp notes that some experts believe too much television for kids can lead to Attention Deficit Disorder later in life. Time Magazine tackled this issue in January in a special report called, “Want a Brainier Baby?” The magazine cited new studies and researchers who concluded that, “Loading up on tapes, games and videos may not be a smart move. There are better ways to nurture a young mind.” According to a study released in December from the Kaiser Family Foundatiokff.org) called, “A Teacher in the Living Room? Educational Media for Babies, Toddlers and Preschoolers,” the better ways include fostering loving relationships, having one-on-one interaction with parents, reading, and giving babies and young children time for imaginative, creative free play and exploration. Does the sandbox still count? A generation ago, parents believed that young children learned values and lessons such as communication, fair play and sharing by playing with peers in a sandbox. This remains true today. Despite all the new toys, computers and electronic devices developed over the past generation, experts believe one-on-one human interaction and establishing solid relationships with others are the best tools for learning and building emotionally healthy babies and children. Young children learn primarily by following our examples. Michael Webb, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, says children learn through creative play and need their parents to be involved. “It’s important that the parents play in the sandbox and enter the child’s world,” he says. Mom and dad have more parenting resources From this magazine to a wealth of books to instant information on the Internet, today’s parent is more informed than ever. Is this good or bad, or does it make a difference? Pamela Ezell, an assistant professor of English at Chapman University in Orange who teaches about the Internet and its impacts, believes the additional information can help a mother. “She is no longer isolated with her questions or problems about parenting,” Ezell says. “At any time, or in the middle of the night, she can go online, read blogs or websites, or check books on Amazon.” The Internet offers useful information about schools, summer camps and health issues, as well as chat rooms or websites for mothers suffering from postpartum depression, for example, Ezell notes. The downside is it can be hard for parents to distinguish between impartial, valid information on a website like the one for the American Academy of Pediatrics, www.aap.org, versus what’s on commercial websites. How do you know from an unknown source, “Is this genuine information or are they trying to sell me something?” Ezell asks. Information overload has another downside mothers didn’t face when they had only their pediatrician or own mother to ask for parenting tips. “It becomes impossible to make a decision because you have too many voices giving you advice,” Ezell says. The era of working mothers Working mothers are now the rule, not the exception. More than half of mothers with young children work outside the home, compared to 30% in the 1970s. Women have been moving into the work force due to greater opportunities, and often because their families need the income. In 2002, 72% of mothers with children 18 or younger were in the labor force, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. Of the mothers with babies less than 1 year old, 55% worked; 77.9% of moms with older children between 6 and 17 worked. This has sparked an ongoing debate about the effects of working mothers and daycare on their children. What often matters isn’t whether the mother is physically home all day with her children but her level of involvement with them, says Webb, the Newport Beach family therapist. Having a mother who is physically or emotionally absent hurts babies and young children who depend on mom and look to her to feel safe, he says. “ Working mothers can come home and be very involved and engaged with their children. They can give a lot and feel connected. It’s all about relationships,” Webb says. Amy Bentley of Temecula is a regular contributor. |
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