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House to Home

10 tips to build a lasting relationship.

By Gina Roberts-Grey Published: January, 2007

House to home
10 tips to build a lasting relationship


 Many adults search for the recipe to build a lasting and loving relationship. Being a parent makes it very easy to put the relationship with your partner on hold in order to lovingly raise your children. You expend an incredible amount of energy running between the grocery store, library and sports practices. By the time your partner is home or available to talk about the day, your systems are systematically shutting off from mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.

 Amid being a good parent, running your household and your job, it may be difficult to know how to nurture your relationship. Here are 10 tips:

 1. Show you’re committed: There’s more to demonstrating commitment than vowing to live your lives together. Don’t use excuses such as “I’m tired” or the lack of a babysitter to cancel dinner reservations or avoid time together.

 2. Love as if you just met: When you first met, you’d take the time to compliment each other. When you dated, you shared hobbies, interests and a passion to be together. Put forth the same effort now.

 3. Establish your expectations: Your partner needs to know if you feel you need more out of your relationship. Remember, you’re not in a relationship with a mind reader.

 4. Be partners as well as parents: Because family life commands a great deal of attention, many couples don’t know what to talk about unless they’re discussing their children. Designate a “no-kids” talk time to discuss expectations for your relationship or lives.

 5. Share diversity: It is unrealistic to expect one person to solely fulfill every area of your life. Balancing work, social situations and personal time equally as well as with time with your mate will enhance your relationship.

 6. Argue fairly: Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute notes that happy and successful couples know how to exit an argument and how to repair the situation before an argument gets out of control. Avoid resorting to hitting below the belt.

 7. Go to bed together: We’ve all had evenings where it feels as though you could stay awake for hours catching up on tasks or a favorite television show. Oddly enough, those are often the same nights your partner is ready for bed right after clearing the dinner table.

 8. Make small talk: This often sparks a dialogue that may lead to meaningful conversations; however, pick your moments.

 9. Listen to each other: More than 75% of adults in couple’s therapy feel their partners do not hear them. Stimulate listening to each other by reading poetry, the newspaper or a favorite book to each other.

 10. Share a positive outlook: Change a negative aspect of your relationship with a positive suggestion. “I love when we laugh” sets a more pleasant tone than, “We never have fun together anymore.”

 Gina Roberts-Grey is a mom and contributor to several parenting publications.

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