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Published: June, 2009

Myths about men, continued ...


Most men are sweet fellows who just want to please. Like women, they want to know that they are loved and appreciated. And they want to express their feelings, as well. It’s just that men don’t have a lot of outlets for expression. Physical intimacy is one of them. Take that away from a man, and if you are a woman, you may miss out on being on the receiving end of that loving. Not that men shouldn’t develop other ways of expressing their feelings. It’s just that it isn’t fair to accuse a man of always having selfish motives, rather than seeing that he wants his woman to feel his desire to be close.
   
What of the other myths: sloppiness, lying and cheating? Well, for nearly every woman who makes this complaint, there is a man saying much the same about a woman. Bad behavior isn’t the exclusive domain of one sex or the other. It’s a question of individual character. And it’s unfair to take a single instance or two and use it to put an entire group in a negative light.
   
This month is Father’s Day. It’s time to notice the good men in your life, and notice the good they do, as well.


• > Appreciate him: focus on the good

How boring life would be if we were all alike! Here are a few tips on how to blend your unique qualities to form a strong partnership:

Emphasize his strengths
Take inventory of your mate’s good qualities and let him know you appreciate what he brings to the relationship.

Share a project
Select a project that you can work on together (home improvements or gardening, for example) and work together from start to finish. Accomplish something you can both enjoy as a couple.

Ask his advice
Tap into his perspective on a situation you are struggling with. He will appreciate you asking for his thoughts, and you’ll get to see his thoughtful side.

Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert. She is director of the Buehler Institute, in Irvine.


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