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 “It is good for children to see warmth and a bond between parents,” says Dr. Margaret Heldring, president of the Society for Family Psychology, a division of the American Psychological Association. “It is reassuring to children.” In a healthy parental relationship, children accept certain displays of affection between their parents. This demonstrated admiration can support a child’s sense of well-being. However, Heldring notes that “affection that is too sexual is uncomfortable for children and breaks a boundary. Too much would be a long kiss, intimate touches or certain spoken words such as ‘I can’t wait until later tonight.’ Anything that brings a child into the intimate world of the parents’ love is not good.” Affection is a signal to all children that there is something going on behind closed doors. Heldring says, “That is OK. But it is overwhelming for a child to experience blatant displays of what should be happening in the bedroom, while in the living room.” Children of different ages will voice different reactions to parental affection. Heldring sees that the age of the child will provoke different reactions. A 4-year-old, she says, is all about the tactile: the physical touch and contact. But a 13-year-old, dealing with her own developmental and body changes, may feel uncomfortable seeing displays of affection. Rest assured, however, that children will be secretly reassured by their parents’ love. Within a healthy parental relationship, children will benefit from the appropriate demonstrations of affection between parents. So go ahead. Give your spouse that hug. It is good for your relationship and, ultimately, good for your kids. Julie Hanahan is a freelance writer who believes in true love. Here are several “safe” gestures that appropriately model mutual affection: > Holding hands – Whether in front of the evening’s television show or while walking together down the street, parents holding hands can make a child feel safe and secure. > Hugs – An embrace between parents shows acceptance and concern for each other. > Kisses – To a child, a kiss between his parents shows a deeper commitment. Seeing parents kiss (quick pecks only, please) furthers the impression of the parents’ caring for each other. > Flirting – Flirting between parents, depending on the family norm, can demonstrate a dimension of romance in the relationship. Children see that a relationship should be fun and playful. |
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