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Time for Two

Don't smother him By Dr. Stephanie BuehlerPublished: April, 2009

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Has your partner ever said that he needs more space, or acted distant, even though you haven’t had a fight?     Do you demand that your mate go everywhere that you go? What about friends? Are all of your friends shared? You may also be making too many emotional demands on your partner. Or, you may be a partner who needs to be told on a constant basis that you are loved, cherished and will never be abandoned. Those kinds of demands can grow tiresome. Being overly dependent on your partner for all of your emotional needs is just too big a burden for most people, no matter how well intended they may be.     What about smothering your partner with other types of demands? Do you expect your partner to smile while he takes out the trash or pays the bills? You might want everything done to your standards: no grey clothing allowed with the black wash. People need and deserve the freedom to decide how they like to do things.     If you are too close, too needy or too demanding, you need to figure out why that is. One thing is certain: If you smother your partner, he’s going to pull away, having just the opposite of your desired effect. Trust your partner and give him room to breathe.     You can’t have a spark without a gap. Being separate, yet together, is healthy. It’s one of the secrets of a happy relationship. n Dr. Stephanie buehler is a psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert. She is director of the Buehler Institute in Irvine. thebuehlerinstitute.com Fun with the girls If your loved one needs more breathing room, maybe it’s time for develop your own circle of friends. A good place to start: local women’s groups, such as these from meetup.com • OC Girlfriends Social Group meetup.com/oc-girlfriends • OC Women’s Social Group meetup.com/ocwomen • Newport Beach Ladies Networking & Book Club meetup.com/taketimeformebookclub • Networking & Book Club meetup.com/taketimeformebookclub • Costa Mesa Pole Dancers dance.meetup.com/359 • investClub for Women meetup.com/women-real-estate-investors-club • California Girly Girls meetup.com/caligirliegirls • Orange County After 5 Social Club for Women women.meetup.com/543 ... and MANY more!

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