Get up, guzzle down the O.J., cart the kids, do the committee thing, buy groceries, call the repair man, make dinner, make lunches, make love, fall asleep ... more like make lunches, fall asleep.
   
Don’t ignore intimacy in your marriage. Here are reasons to put your partner first:

> Your marriage, not your children, are the foundation of the family.
> Your marriage is strengthened by regular emotional and physical intimacy.
> Keeping an intimate connection makes conflict less important and easier to resolve.
> When your kids get older and less dependent, you and your partner will have plenty of good times to look forward to.
    
Even if your intention is to stay close, you may still struggle, given all the demands on your time and energy. It’s too easy to fall into a trap of giving, giving, giving to everyone but the person who is most important to you – your spouse.
   
Marriage is a voluntary relationship that’s easy to take for granted. If you expect your partner to keep plodding along beside you like a camel in the desert, you may turn around one day and find yourself alone. Love isn’t just a canteen that you fill up once a year on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Love needs to be replenished almost daily.       

Sometimes having your attention torn away from your partner is understandable, if you must care for very young or ill children or frail, elderly parents. Even so, all parents need to take time out for each other. When a parent expects a spouse to understand why his or her needs are being ignored, it can cause resentment and eventually lead to a rift in intimacy.
   
So make a conscious effort to put your partner first. Tell him you’re doing this and expect the same in return. Together, decide that you’re not only going to be a team, but also, role models for your children as to how to work and love together in a relationship. If you haven’t had time alone together in weeks, turn down all requests to bake, schlep or phone. Turn to your partner, instead, and set aside time to connect – either verbally or, ahem, nonverbally.
   
The day will come when it will be just you and him, and you’ll want to celebrate that you made it through the parenting years and are set for the next adventure.


7 ways to wow him

> Cook his favorite dish
> Plan monthly dates
> Suggest a “guys only” night
> Plant an unexpected kiss
> Encourage him to enjoy his hobbies
> Greet him when he gets home
> Give him alone time with the kids

Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a licensed psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert. She’s director of the Buehler Institute, in Irvine (buehlerinstitute.com).