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Time for Two

One happy family Sure, adding a baby into the mix can be challenging. But it's also an opportunity to grow together as a family. By Kimberly A. PorrazzoPublished: December, 2008

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When children arrive, a couple’s relationship can be enriched beyond measure. There are challenges, however, associated with the commitment to raise a family. Less sleep, less adult conversation and less “alone time” are just a few of the changes that can impact your relationship with your spouse.     They key to minimizing stress as your family grows lies in working together as a parenting team. Doing so can actually heighten your appreciation for each other and strengthen your love. Knowing you can depend on each other for support bonds couples in a way they would not otherwise bond, were they not parents.     “We all long for a sense of belonging and purpose,” says Katherine Knight, parent coach and founder of strongfamiliesonline.com. “Sharing in the creation and raising of well-behaved children can be the ultimate fulfillment of that. It is a joy that can extend to multiple generations and grants us benefits we sometimes could not imagine. Watching children grow up can be a delight; sharing it with a partner multiplies the delight.”     Here are suggestions for working more closely as a parenting team: Present a united front While you won’t agree on every aspect of caring for your kids, it’s essential that you appear to your children to be working together as a team. Discuss your differences and parenting goals away from the children. Be consistent As a couple, you need to know that your mate is handling situations in the same way you would. Agree on discipline techniques and the behaviors that warrant them in advance. Appreciate your differences Each of you brings something special to your parenting team. Dad may be a little more relaxed in his style, while Mom may be more strict, or visa versa. In any case, let your partner know that they are doing their job well. “You’re a great dad!” goes a long way. Nurture each other When you see that your partner is on overload, take over parenting duties. Give your mate a break. They’ll love you for it and return the favor. Partner vs. parent Don’t let your adult issues leak into your role as a partner in parenting. Relationship struggles should be dealt with separately and not be allowed to interfere with what you’ve established as your goals as parents. Take time While children are a blessing, parents need grown-up time, too. Hire that babysitter and make time for two. Nurture your mate > Compliment your partner on being a great parent in front of the children. > Thank your in-laws for raising a child that turned out to be a great parent. > Ask your mate for their advice on how to handle a parenting situation.      Kimberly A. Porrazzo is chief content officer of OC Family magazine.

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