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Time for Two

He's not that into you You've hurt your partner and you want to make things right. Now what? By Dr. Stephanie BuehlerPublished: March, 2009

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Whether you’re married or dating, you probably don’t need a sledgehammer to figure out when you’re partner just isn’t that into you. When it comes right down to it, your partner is sending a clear signal that the party’s over.     You could try to make your partner tell you what’s wrong, but your partner is likely insulted that you haven’t figured it out. You know you’ve done some things that have been hurtful. Your partner let you know the first 50 times, brushed it off the next 50 times and now has buried it. You’re locked out.     Now what? Are you culpable for any of the following offenses? > You expect your partner to be someone he’s not. Even though your partner is an introvert, you expect him to be social at every gathering. > You assume your partner knows how to read your mind. And when your partner doesn’t, you become difficult. All the while, you pretend it’s all your partner’s fault. > You were stingy with gratitude. When your partner pointed out something that got done, all you said was, “Finally!” > You let the kids run roughshod over your relationship. You cater to their every need. And you let your partner wonder when he was going to get some attention. > You didn’t fight fair. You said things that were hurtful and feel no remorse. > You didn’t allow your partner time alone. You made sure that every move was made with your needs in mind.     Have you actually committed one of these relationship transgressions? If so, it’s time to come up to your partner and admit that you were wrong. Admit fault, and offer to make amends. You’re going to cook the next meal, admire his next achievement, give him the attention he deserves and the space he needs. If there’s any hitting to be done, it’s going to be your own forehead when you shout, “Mea culpa!” the next time you hurt your love’s feelings.     And that’s how you get your partner into you again. Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a licensed  psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert. She is director of the Buehler Institute in Irvine. MAKE AMENDS Now that you’ve admitted your wrongdoing, how can you show your partner that you really care? > Buy him season tickets.    Or at least take him to a “guy movie” or three. > Invite his friends over.  A little “male bonding” can go a long way. > Write him a love letter. Tell him why you’re so happy to be with him. > Do his chores. Surprise him with free time by washing the cars or running the kids to weekend soccer practice. > Create a photo book. Include pictures of special events and shared moments that you’ll both remember for years to come. n Source: associatedcontent.com

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