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Teen Years (13-18)
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 It’s hard to believe that parents were horrified by Elvis Presley’s gyrating pelvis on “The Ed Sullivan Show” in 1956. Now any parent would call that performance meek compared to episodes of MTV’s “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila,” a bisexual-themed reality dating show where straight men and lesbian women compete for Tequila's affections. As teens are constantly exposed to super-sexed, narcissistic messages on TV, radio and the Internet, it doesn’t surprise parents that many kids have adopted a more relaxed attitude toward sexuality, as well as an interest in high-risk behaviors. Teens have always embraced outrageous behavior and styles, but Carol Platt Liebau (author of “Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls,” 2007) is especially alarmed by our culture’s relaxed attitudes toward sexuality, whether the influences come from the media or peers. “America has been letting its girls down by teaching them that being sexy is the most important trait they can have – more important than intelligence, talent or anything else,” says Liebau. “What we’re doing is asking girls to adopt a posture that they’re sexually aware and available, which is something they’re not ready for psychologically, emotionally or spiritually.” This coarsening of the culture also affects boys, since many end up relating to girls primarily in a sexual manner. If a girl presents herself as highly sexualized, most teenage boys with their surging hormones are going to focus on this aspect of her character. To make matters worse, a growing number of girls are instigators of this pressure. “Many girls will say you’re out of it or un-cool if you’re not behaving in a sexual way,” says Liebau. A girl who doesn’t want to freak dance or show cleavage can be labeled a prude by girls who believe that appearing sexually experienced is the key to attracting boys. Parents can play a major role in helping both girls and boys make the right choices about relationships and sexual behavior. According to Liebau, sexual integrity is just one component of good character overall. “In order to help your teen make sound decisions about sex, you need to help them develop a constellation of other virtues, such as the ability to resist peer pressure, a sense of modesty, an ability to think for one’s self and courage – all of which are things that go into sound decisions about sex.” Teens & Sex A recent government report shows that teen pregnancy rates are edging upward – the first increase since they began dropping from a peak in 1991. The report comes on the heels of the well-publicized “pregnancy pact” by 17 girls at Glouster High School in Massachusetts who are expecting babies after they made a joint decision to have babies during the coming year. The principal first reported this in June but now since the media barrage, school administrators and the Glouster’s mayor are claiming the pact was a hoax. But hoax or no hoax, the disturbing fact is that so many teens in one high school are having babies without understanding that having a baby represents a lifetime commitment. Some have speculated whether this spike in teen pregnancies is the result of a glamorization of young unwed mothers from hit movies like “Juno” or from real-life role models like Jamie Lynn Spears. But Dr. Jerry Weichman, a Newport Beach-based teen psychologist and author, believes that this is not the case in Southern California where a huge emphasis is placed on physical appearance and social perception. But one disturbing trend he’s noticing is an increasing numbers of girls who give in to boys who want oral sex. Most girls who do this eventually feel used when the boy moves on to other girls. “They end up feeling bad about themselves and to battle that feeling they find other guys to hook up with, which causes more harm to their self-esteem, forcing them into a downward spiral” says Weichman. “I teach them how to raise the bar higher for themselves and everyone around them,” he says. “By doing this, they start to understand which boys are there for quick hook-ups and which ones are there for real relationships.” For more information, visit: drjerryweichman.com. Don’t Shy Away It’s hard enough being a teenager today without also being shy. But for 40 percent of today’s teens, shyness is just one more challenge they face at a time when they’re naturally self-conscious about their changing bodies. “Shyness tends to intensify during times of transition,” stresses Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Institute at Indiana University Southeast and author of “The Shyness Workbook for Teens.” “Adolescence is major time for transition as kids experience physical changes as well as cognitive, social and role changes, so this can become a particularly difficult time for shy teens.” Since teen shyness can be a social handicap and has even been linked to alcohol and drug use, Carducci offers these tips: • Get a part-time job in customer service to practice interpersonal skills. • Volunteer for a worthy charity that provides a semi-structured social situation. • Smile – it will build self-confidence. • Come up with a couple of topics to start a conversation in order to be prepared when a situation arises with someone new. For more information, visit ius.edu/shyness. Carol Daus is an award-winning contributor to OC Family magazine. |
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i think that it hard to do that
| Comment at 3/23/2010 |
Most of the things in this page is mostly true
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