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Teen Years
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In school, friendships often start by accident. A casual comment about the weather can spark a conversation, same as bumping into someone in a hall. You don't need to put much effort toward keeping friendships alive, because you're with your friends nearly all day, every day. There also is an ever-present abundance of social drama to keep everyone occupied. Many of my closest friends have graduated and moved away to college. It has been difficult to deal with the fact that I can't see them whenever I'd like and also that I may not see many of them again. Having also moved on from high school, I have had to be proactive about spending time with those I care about and also have realized the best friendships often require a lot of work. Friendships can start so arbitrarily in school that we are often rather passive and ambivalent about the relationship itself. I think most students could confirm the following phenomena: When you are devoid of a close friend in a class, you end up bonding with virtual strangers. Perhaps you knew their name or shared a class with them the prior year, but you're not likely to have any mutual friends and you would probably never have interacted with each other had it not been for the seating arrangement in that particular class. But these people become substitute best friends for those 40-plus minutes you share each day. At first the bond is based on the one thing you know you have in common - namely, the class you share. Together you cope with ridiculous assignments or an even more ridiculous teacher. But as the year progresses, you share the goings-on of each other's lives and a bond is formed. You feel comfortable revealing personal secrets as if he or she were a psychiatrist - a neutral party slightly removed from your real life who often, coincidentally, only hears your side of the story. But outside of class you go back to being strangers. An occasional wave is exchanged in the halls, but there is virtually no further interaction once the bell rings and class is dismissed. We often vow we will "hang out" with our classmates during the summer and beyond. The phrase is immortalized in hundreds of yearbook autographs, but how often do we really call up those casual acquaintances to arrange a get-together? It's almost as if we know when we say, "We really should hang out this summer" that it is not likely to happen. But it is always easier to say "see you later" than "goodbye." However, the end of the school year is different for seniors. Most seniors understand it is quite possible they will never see many high school acquaintances again. For some people this is a refreshing proposition, an opportunity to end one chapter of their lives and begin anew, but many feel overcome by emotion at the thought of setting out on their own without the buffer of friends who surrounded them in high school. After high school, there is a noticeable absence of acquaintances in our lives. Granted, you may have business associates or neighbors, but you never have as many casual acquaintances in life as during high school. Because of that, often those we think to be our best friends turn out to be the kids with whom we have been spending most of our time. And at some point, we may look around and wonder, who are these people we claim to be our close friends? Have we ever shared our deepest fears and thoughts with them? Or do we simply exchange gossip and party stories? Without the manufactured social structure of high school, we're left having to pick and choose who is worth our time. Most of the people I am closest to presently are those I have made a proactive effort to stay close to. It is great to hit it off with someone immediately upon meeting him or her and it is even more amazing to be able to reunite with a lost comrade and feel as if no time has past. But strong friendships more often than not need constant nurturing or they can fade. A friend should be behind you in support of your endeavors, but also force you to question yourself and try to push you toward being your best. The more work we put into a friendship, the more meaning that is infused into it. Justine Langston, 17, is a North Tustin resident. |
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