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Loose money The dark side of teen affluence Fifteen-year-old Emma appears to have everything. She earns good grades, is the captain of the high school dance team, is beautiful and has modeled for a period of time. Emma, whose name has been changed, is considered popular among her sophomore classmates and lives in a gated community in Orange County with both parents who have successful jobs. There is no shortage of material possessions in her life. She was the first among her friends to get a Nintendo Wii and her wardrobe features the latest outfits from Juicy Couture and Paul Frank. Her parents have also promised her a new Volkswagen Beetle for her 16th birthday if she maintains a B average. One would think this product of such a privileged upbringing would be a happy, well-adjusted teenager. Unfortunately, this is not the case. The teen, who has been on three different types of anti-depressants during the past couple of years, suffers in silence. Her mother had thought that the latest prescription had helped her daughter and that everything was fine. That's why she was caught off guard recently when she learned that her daughter had been surreptitiously cutting herself in her bedroom for the past two months. As affluence increases, one would think that children would have more advantages because of what money can buy - everything from the latest iPods, tutoring sessions and ballet lessons. Instead, many sociologists and psychologists recognize that this culture of affluence, characterized by materialistic values, intense competition and lack of social supports, is having a detrimental effect. Studies of public school students reveal that as many as 22% of adolescent girls from financially comfortable families suffer from clinical depression. This is three times the national rate of depression for adolescent girls. Furthermore, both boys and girls from upper middle-class families have three times the national rate for anxiety disorders. Substance abuse and the incidence of psychosomatic disorders are also higher in households with incomes of over $100,000. According to Dr. Madeline Levine, a Marin County psychologist and author of "The Price of Privilege" (HarperCollins, 2006), money alone isn't causing these problems for children. "It's what I call the culture of affluence - it's the combination of valuing material possessions over relationships, valuing competition over cooperation and valuing individuality over reciprocity," she explains. Levine, whose book is already in its ninth printing, analyzed more than 100 studies on child development and interviewed numerous psychologists like herself who specialize in treating teenagers. In today's society, many busy parents believe the best solution to a parenting problem is to buy their way out. If their child's grade is dropping, hire a tutor. If their pitching is off, find a pitching coach. If everything seems to be riding on a SAT score, enroll in a two-month test preparation class. Children exposed to this behavior end up believing that there's always an easier monetary fix to their problems. "More affluent families are guilty of this because they have the resources to solve problems," says Levine. Furthermore, in many busy households, it seems easier to simply purchase a service or program than require teenagers to solve their problems on their own. A common misconception is that affluent families are typically characterized by two working parents, which translates to less time for children. "It's not just two-income families that are experiencing these problems," says Levine. She likes to refer to a comment made by one of her teenage patients whose mother does not work. "It's amazing that my mother is everywhere and nowhere at the same time." One of the most disturbing developments that one sees in many affluent households is the preoccupation with a child's achievement. As a psychologist who has been treating unhappy teenagers for more than 25 years, Levine explains that an unhealthy focus on competition can be blamed for many of these problems. She's had patients who suffer from extreme anxiety over disappointing their parents about low grades, poor SAT scores and not making an athletic team. To counter this, Levine suggests that parents view their child as a "whole" person, not just as a student, athlete or ballet dancer. "To become well-adjusted adults, children need to accomplish things in terms of 'baskets'," says Levine. "Obviously, there's the academic basket and the sports/extracurricular basket, but then there are many other baskets - such as learning when enough is enough, learning how to talk to the opposite sex, learning how to delay gratification, learning how to cope with disappointment, learning how to be a part of a community." The problem, stresses Levine, is that usually the academics and sports/extracurricular baskets get 99% of the parents' attention, so the other areas, which are equally, if not more important, are neglected. "We may spend hours a week on tutors, coaches, practices and grilling them for the SAT, but how much time is spent on character development?" For teenagers to become truly happy, they need a strong sense of self. "For many children in this culture of affluence, parents' demands for achievement have prevented their kids from developing autonomy, which is essential if you want to send them off safely to college," says Levine. The good news is that parents can make a difference if they stop and pay attention to the needs of their teenagers. Parents can help their children become independent, moral, capable and connected adults if they are committed to making necessary changes that sometimes run contrary to our culture's expectations. Carol Daus is a freelance writer who lives in Huntington Beach with her husband and three teenagers. |
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