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Teen Years
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[teen years] 13-18yrs By Carol Daus Teens in the fast lane Help them slow down Teenagers have more than just backpacks weighing them down these days. The pressure of making good grades, excelling at sports or in music, composing college essays, working a part-time job and coping with a high-school romance are more than enough to make any teenager feel stressed out. In a recent University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, study of 8,000 high-school students, almost 2/3 report feeling major stress at least once a day. “Parents are not only putting a lot of pressure on today’s teens to get into the best colleges and the right jobs, teens are also putting pressure on themselves,” says Lisa Boesky, a clinical psychologist and author of “When to Worry: How to Tell if Your Teen Needs Help” (2007, Amacon). “It’s not just about academic pressures, it also involves fitting in with the right crowd, wearing the right clothes, weighing the right amount and feeling pressure about having sex when you’re not ready.” Many of today’s teens are spreading themselves too thin, resembling over-worked, type-A adults. I can relate to this as I watch my 17-year-old son trudge out of the house for school at the crack of dawn, returning at dusk only to face a pile of homework and other responsibilities. His life is so different than mine was as a teenager. I took challenging classes and participated in a couple of activities, but I never experienced the type of pressure he is under. With so many teenagers and young adults experiencing psychological problems, it becomes especially important to notice the warning signs that might indicate your child is suffering from too much stress. Some teens experience occasional bouts of burnout, but for many, these feelings of being overwhelmed are the norm. If left unattended, burnout can turn into actual depression, which becomes more difficult to treat. According to Boesky, if a teen feels overwhelmed, the following signs are usually present: > A drop in grades > A loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy > Frequent feelings of fatigue > Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches) > Forgetfulness, carelessness > Appearing withdrawn or disinterested > A change in eating habits (either gaining or losing weight) > Sleep problems > Oversleeping in the morning > Extreme moodiness If these signs start to surface, Boesky recommends that parents ask their child to do a simple exercise. They should create a list of all their activities (schoolwork, clubs, sports, music lessons, SAT-prep classes, time with friends and family, church activities) and then rate them using a 1 through 10, with 1 being the lowest priority and 10 the highest. “Teens should consider dropping any activities with a 6 or lower,” explains Boesky. “Many kids are no longer picking activities that they have an interest in; they’re picking activities that they think will help them get into good colleges.” The same applies to classes. How can students take a non-weighted art class that really interests them when there are so many AP classes they feel pressured to take? According to the College Board, the number of students taking at least 1 advanced placement test is up 166% in the last decade. “We’re now seeing kids as young as middle-schoolers feeling pressure to take the right classes to ensure that they’ll end up in a selective college,” says Boesky. The following tips will help ease a teen’s stress level: [1.] Model good behavior. If parents are constantly hypercommitted and overscheduled, this will seem normal to kids. [2.] Allow your teen to stop a stressful activity (even if you feel you have invested a lot of money in it). Many stressed teens stick with a particular activity because they feel guilty about letting their parents down. [3.] Let them know you love them regardless of which college they end up in. [4.] Help your teen learn how to say “No!” – whether it’s to a boyfriend who wants sex, a friend tempting them with drugs or a coach wanting them to do the impossible to be the star player. Most teens don’t know how to say, “No!” [5.] Be sure they eat healthy foods and get enough sleep. [6.] Schedule family activities that have no agenda, such as a beach outing. One of the most important things parents can do, stresses Boesky, is to be sure their teen schedules time to do nothing. “Teens need to know they don’t always have to be productive – they should be able to goof around, daydream, read for fun, draw and hang out with friends,” she says. “Downtime is every bit as important as staying busy.” Carol Daus is a frequent contributor to Inland Empire Family Magazine. |
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