EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
Single Parenthood
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Houston, we have a problem. Her name is Marilyn.* Marilyn is my ex-husband’s girlfriend. They live together with her two preteens and, most likely, they’ll marry. I’m OK with that part. You know what they say: One woman’s junk is another woman’s treasure. No surprise, Marilyn and I don’t get along. We’re playing our respective roles flawlessly, just as nature intended: She loathes the ex-wife, I disdain my likely replacement. Funny thing is, we don’t even know each other. “It’s a turf issue,” explains Michael G. Webb, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach. “The mother is very protective of her children and the girlfriend is very protective of her new partner and their lives.” OK, I understand the dynamic. But did I mention I’m thinner than her? What’s really frustrating is that this woman, with whom I have no relationship whatsoever (we’ve spoken three words in three years, and one isn’t publishable), is changing my daughters’ appearance. For one, she’s making them fat. My kids used to come home with bags of candy lovingly supplied by Marilyn. An obvious bribe, but it worked. I started hearing, “Mari-lyn makes good pancakes,” and “We baked brownies with Marilyn.” Within six months, my girls doubled in girth. Every time I packed their bags for visits, it felt like I was sending them out to pasture. Serving healthy food became fruitless, pun intended. I had to teach my kids to “Just Say No” to french fries. Then she chopped off their long hair without consulting me. “She crossed a major boundary. As a mother, you were violated,” sides Webb in this turf war. But he warns, “Don’t use this to build up more anger and resentment. Instead, work with her in establishing guidelines.” OK, Marilyns of the world, listen up! Don’t be threatened by us ex-wives. We’re not your enemies. We want your relationships with our exes to work out because we don’t want them back. All we ask is that you love our kids. Be patient, be kind. Don’t yell at them for shuffling their feet because it irritates you. Understand that it’s a difficult situation for them, too. And please don’t rob us of those special moments we’re entitled to as mothers. We want to be the ones who pierce their ears, cut their hair, tell them about sex and share the heartache of a first crush. Remember, we’re their mothers, not you. Webb claims it’s important for us to get along with these “Marilyns” because our children benefit. “You don’t have to like her. You just have to have a working relationship and a common goal the children’s best interests.” Actually, I’m grateful that Marilyn professes to love my girls. Her heart seems to be in the right place. But what’s really comforting is knowing that no matter what happens between us, I’ll always be prettier. M-E-O-W! * Marilyn is NOT her real name. Senior Writer Lynn Armitage is craving a bowl of milk. Michael G. Webb is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach. |
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