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There is a movement developing, a quiet crusade, among some couples who do not have children by choice. They, like so many other groups of people today, are getting particular about how society perceives them and what we "call" them. And to be frank, it irks me a little. Don't call them childless anymore, they insist. Don't say, "Honey, remember the Smiths? That childless couple?" No, no. If Mr. and Mrs. Smith specifically chose NOT to have children, for all the legitimate reasons people do (or don't), they should not be confused with those who wish them, but have not yet been blessed. The distinction: not childless, but childfree. Like sugar-free, or caffeine-free, somehow they've cleansed themselves of the very thing couples with kids cherish. I don't like the way it sounds. "We're a childfree couple," they might say, underscoring the fact that this was a clear choice on their part. But doesn't that subtly imply that they perceive having children as undesirable? Which, if you think about it, is a bit of a slam to us child-full...child-rich...oh, what do you call us? To me, it's kind of like the whole gay movement. I really don't understand why gay people feel compelled to call attention to their "cause" with sitcoms and such. I mean, if we're not supposed to care, why do we even have to know? If it doesn't affect their work or their interaction with other human beings, why should how one is identified make a difference? Seems to me, it would just get in the way. But it's like they WANT me to know. I hear, "I'm gay," or lately, "I'm childfree." What do you say in response to that? Childfree couples have their own websites and associations online where they openly claim to seek support from one another to deal with society's preconceived notion that they are selfish and impatient folk. I had no such notion until I browsed a few sites and read that these couples don't want children because they don't want to deal with college tuition (it eats into the retirement fund), they want to actually enjoy their vacations, and they just want more time to themselves. Actually, we're not so far apart on these issues. These are all things I want, too, except that I wanted children more. When it comes to social classifications, we all need to lighten up. If I have to identify them as childfree, then I also want a tag that identifies my choice. What do you call people with children by choice, anyway? Oh yeah, a family. Senior Writer Kimberly A. Porrazzo can be reached at kimberlyporrazzo@cox.net. For Letters: ocfamily.com |
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