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Middle Years (7-12)

Say ‘ohm’ Meditate to alleviate middle school stress – plus family Thanksgiving traditions; sex, the media and your preteen; and good sleep habits. By Michele PiazzoniPublished: November, 2008

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Ever worry that your child might be too stressed? Maybe it’s a good time to enlighten her with the idea of meditation.     Studies abound confirming the physical and mental benefits of meditation. A study by the National Institutes of Health found that a simple concentration-based meditation technique significantly reduced blood pressure and heart rates among middle-school-aged participants.        Researchers noted that the two 10-minute meditation exercises kids performed during the study helped them reduce their body’s response to stress. In another study, researchers found that students exposed to a relaxation curriculum showed improved work habits, attendance and GPAs.     Ask your child if she’s ever done any meditation exercises at school. (I was surprised to learn that my daughter’s fifth-grade class got a lesson last year before state testing.) Meditation is something that you can easily pick up yourself and pass along, benefitting you both.     “Peer relationships and schoolwork are part of a preteen’s world, but when these pressures are balanced with an inspired meditation practice, preteens can flow through intense situations with ease,” says Sarah Wood, author of “Sensational Meditation for Children” (Satya International Inc. 2008).     Wood offers a host of meditation exercises in her book. One activity, designed to clear the mind and encourage relaxation, focuses on breathing. Have your child place something small on her belly, like an iPod or stuffed animal. Then encourage her to take deep breaths while watching the item rise and fall. Once she catches the rhythm of her breathing, have her continue with her eyes closed.     If she finds a thought crossing her mind, have her repeat the thought to herself and focus on her breathing again. Continue this exercise for another 30 seconds. Sex, the media and your kids If you and your preteen have spent any time combing through back-to-school ads featuring “must-have” outfits for the coming year, chances are you’ve found more than one that raised your eyebrows. Even more shocking than the escalating prices of trendy jeans and T-shirts is the growing popularity of sexy ads directed to children and teens – like the new one from Beyonce Knowles’ clothing line that features young girls donning high heels and faces full of makeup, and striking the “working it” pose.     What’s a parent to do? Ignore provocative ads, hoping kids don’t read too much into them? Sit down for what’s likely to be a slightly uncomfortable talk with your preteen?     “Definitely talk to them,” says Sharon Maxwell, child psychologist and author of the new book “The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear From You About Sex” (Penguin, 2008).     “Many parents put off this conversation until they have figured out the perfect thing to say, but while they’re trying to get it right, their kids are out there gathering an enormous amount of information.”     According to the American Psychological Association, the early sexualization of girls has already been linked to serious problems, such as eating disorders, depression and low self-esteem. Yet girls continue to be bombarded by sexy images wherever they turn. Maxwell says parents can help their daughters (and sons) avoid falling prey to the idea that social success depends on mastering “this thing called sexy,” by including one key point in their conversations about the topic.     “The missing link in our conversations about sex is desire,” Maxwell explains. “Kids can’t make sense of all the sexual information swirling around them if they don’t understand sexual desire, yet this is the part most often left out.”     Maxwell suggests that parents stress the concept that sexuality is a source of power and energy, and that learning to become a responsible adult means learning how to control and direct sexual energy. Make sure to keep it a two-way conversation and ask questions like, “What happens when you don’t learn to control your anger or your appetite?” to foster understanding.     Explain that advertisers know that teens are insecure about their sexuality and use this to sell products. Finally, speak to your child about when it’s OK to look sexy and when it’s not. Most importantly, says Maxwell, just start talking. Even if you botch it up, you will still be a great deal better than MTV. Sleep tight As you turn back your clock to end daylight saving time, consider rolling your preteen’s bedtime forward. With school well under way, bedtimes often creep back later and later, but kids under age 12 still need 10 hours of sleep each night. So if they need to be up by 7 a.m., they should be asleep by 9 p.m.     Not enough sleep is an all-to-common cause for kids this age to act out at school, have trouble focusing and not get along with friends. One 2007 study found a direct correlation between lack of sleep and lower school performance. So how do you tell if your children need to revise their bedtime?     “ Look for cues during the day,” says Dr. Wesley Fleming of the Sleep Center O.C. “If kids are not getting enough sleep, they respond differently than adults. Rather than lie down for a short rest to catch up, they may become disruptive in the evening or have difficulty listening to simple requests.”     Instilling good sleeping habits is as important as teaching the value of nutrition and exercise. “Sleep is vital and it’s necessary to do it the right way,” says Fleming.     Create a bedtime routine, allowing at least one hour for bathing and reading. Limit TV and computer activity, as they stimulate brain activity. Lights should be dim and temperatures kept low. Adjust your child gradually, by moving his bedtime up 10 minutes earlier each night.     “We spend one-third of our lives sleeping, and how we learn to sleep as children can affect us for the rest of our lives,” says Fleming. Turkey traditions Research shows that families that carry out and pass on family traditions enjoy greater feelings of closeness and belonging, as well as connections between generations. But no one ever said that traditions can’t change and evolve over time. The middle years are a great time for kids to contribute ideas for new traditions or update existing ones.     Take some time around the table this season to see what your kids come up with, and remember – you don’t need to limit traditions to the day itself. Why not start a Thanksgiving Eve tradition? Even the most simplistic rituals can help children find a unique sense of commitment to family that few other activities offer. And if your new tradition doesn’t play out as planned, don’t worry; you’ll probably still end up making memories that last a lifetime. Michele Piazzoni is a regular contributor to OC Family magazine.

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