When single parents marry to form a stepfamily or “blended family,” the children involved can often feel helpless and left out. If they have new sisters and brothers, there may be feelings of competition and conflict and also possibly resentment toward their own parent and the new “stranger” who they may feel is replacing Mom or Dad.
Times like these can be difficult, but they are not the end of the world; children will be confused and upset, but they need time and understanding from the adults in their lives to make the transition as smooth as possible and to provide a safe, stable and comfortable environment for their personal and social development.
Diana
Troutt is a marriage and family therapist with offices in Newport Beach. She often counsels families on how to avoid or lessen the tears that remarriages can create.
“At the tween age, children are still forming their ideas about marriage and how a family functions,” says Troutt. “They are also learning to handle their own feelings and how to work out problems in a constructive way. And because the two most important figures in a child’s life – Mom and Dad – have just shown that they can’t work out their problems, the tween’s faith is now shaken.
“Although some families can remarry smoothly after such emotion, a parent’s remarriage can compound the resulting confusion, because it is usually the parent’s choice to be with the new spouse – not the children’s,” adds Troutt. “During a time of loss, they now have to share the parent with the new spouse – and their new rules and preferences – and that is often a very difficult adjustment, even under the best of circumstances.”
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