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 So how do you get your child to help out and stay on a consistent chore schedule? The majority of parents know that it’s not easy. Here are a few simple tips and tricks that can help. Your tween isn’t lazy, just overloaded You may find it frustrating that your child cannot do the dishes AND take out the trash, but don’t attribute it to laziness. According to a study in the May/June issue of the journal Child Development, the part of the brain responsible for multitasking continues to develop until late adolescence. A string of tasks that seem simple to an adult may feel like an overwhelming burden to your tween. To ease overload, familyeducation.org suggests breaking down chores to basic steps. First, assume your tween knows nothing about the job. Second, explain the task in its entirety. Nothing is too basic. Third, demonstrate the job’s basic steps. If a given task is deconstructed into manageable steps, the overall challenge becomes less intimidating. Finally, show your tween where the necessary supplies and tools are kept. Consider making a list for him to follow to help him stay on track. Then clearly list the tasks, as well as your expectations. Gradually build the list over time as he becomes used to his routine and habits become ingrained. Also, try to remember that by the time your child gets home, he may already be swamped with homework, extra-curricular activities and social obligations. Ownership and independence Tweens are often trying to spread their wings, and dictating orders may not be the best approach if you want the schedule to continue smoothly. Even the word “chore” can denote authority and evoke resistance. Robyn Brandman, known as The Professional Organizer, suggests calling chores “responsibilities” or “contributions.” When allotting responsibilities to the family, get your tween involved in the process. April Thompson, of Orange-based Spero Family Services, suggests giving children options and allowing them to choose the chores they would rather take on. For example, some like dusting, while others prefer yard work. This will give each family member a sense of ownership and pride in the tasks, as well as an increased skill level in that area. “Children are more likely to complete a task that they have chosen for themselves,” says Brandman. Familyeducation.org suggests trading chores to increase independence. If one child doesn’t want to do the bathroom one week, he can trade it to a sibling for a comparable task, such as washing the cars. “It is important to develop a feeling of teamwork when getting your children to participate in chores,” says Gail Gray, professional organizer with A Fresh Start in Costa Mesa. “Help them to understand why and how keeping up with the housework will benefit them. For example, they can have a sleepover because their room is clean.” Make it fun Chores can be daunting, and certain jobs may result in nasty attitudes from your tween when asked to participate. Make it a family effort. Pick a family chore day when everyone can work together, and plan a fun reward when the tasks are completed, like dinner at a favorite restaurant. Or rotate musical selections while everyone works. This not only makes the tasks less dreary, it allows you to bond and share musical tastes. Have a family meeting and decide what your family’s definition of “clean” is, says Gray. The family may decide “surface clean” is enough, saving “deep cleaning” for another weekend. Try rotating the chore schedule in which each family member does a different task, and try a combination schedule that blends permanent chores and occasional chores. Rewards and consequences In order to keep the routine on track, there needs to be a reward-and-consequence system in place. “Decide what the rewards and consequences are in advance,” says Brandman. This brings back the participation factor by letting your tween have a say. Rewards are very important. “Think motivation. Some children just want approval, some want tangible gifts and others what to earn money,” says Carter. Know your tween’s personality and what incentives will yield the best results. Regardless if your child is earning an allowance for chores, nothing beats an old-fashioned compliment. In what Thompson calls the love-and-logic strategy, “Encourage your tween in his strengths and help him along with compliments.” Look at the effort, not the results. If the task isn’t completed exactly the way you had envisioned, encourage your child by giving positive suggestions, says familyeducation.org. “Always praise a job well done,” says Brandman. If your tween is a procrastinator, don’t let him have access to things he enjoys until the tasks are completed. The consequences should be equal to the task. For example, “If you don’t have time to help, I don’t have time to drive you to the movies,” says familyeducation.org. Before long, it will become a habit for your tween to contribute – without the exhausting battle. The right chores for the right age Ages 2-3: > Clean up toys > Wipe up messes > Put clothes in the hamper Ages 4-5: > Empty wastebasket > Help clear and set table > Feed pets > Get dressed > Put clean laundry away Ages 6-8: > Make bed > Take out trash > Clean rooms > Help put away groceries > Dust furniture Ages 9-12: > Wash car and/or dishes > Clean the bathrooms > Do some yard work > Fold laundry > Unload dishwasher > Help serve meals Teens: > Do own laundry > Iron clothes > Do most yard work > Prepare grocery lists > Help with shopping > Babysit younger siblings Source: Gail Gray, professional organizer, A Fresh Start, Costa Mesa Amanda Keeley-Thurman is an intern for OC Family magazine. |
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