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 Self-esteem is more than just outward confidence. It is a fusion of self-respect and satisfaction with who we are physically, mentally and emotionally. Moving from childhood to adulthood, a preteen’s self-esteem often gets lost in translation. Even a previously confident child can be struck by sudden uncertainty. By helping your child foster her self-esteem, you can help her move from the awkward phase to a healthy, thriving lifestyle. “You want to send your child into adolescence with as much positive energy as possible,” says Dr. Christopher Mundale, a clinical psychologist based in Irvine. “Kids with good self-esteem tend to make good decisions.” Having solid self-confidence can go a long way for a growing child. Preteens with a strong sense of self tend to resist peer pressure, excel academically and steer away from self-destructive choices such as drugs and alcohol, says Mundale. Finding ways to make sure their self-esteem continues to grow is as easy as congratulating her on a test or cheering her on at a dance recital.  A job well doneThe first and most important step to building self-esteem comes with achievement, according to Mundale. Encouraging your child to find something that she can succeed in will do wonders for her confidence. “Helping them to master a skill is the single most important job as a parent,” Mundale says. “They need to find genuine success. Just telling them they did a good job will not suffice.” Ensuring genuine success doesn’t have to be a major production. Achievements can be anything from playing a great game of catch to getting a good grade on a math test. Each baby step counts. Having your preteen help around the house is another way to give her that sense of accomplishment, says MaryAnn Brown, Orange County marriage and family therapist. Though most kids gripe and complain when it comes to doing household chores, studies show that there could be a benefit to, say, taking out the garbage. “Doing chores helps them to feel they are a part of a team,” says Brown. Give your preteen the opportunity to build her own chore list. If she hates washing the dishes, for example, then find something that she won’t mind doing. Make household chores a proactive and fun experience.  Give your child some creditAnother vital step in building your child’s self-esteem comes with letting go, according to Brown. “Preteens are starting to want a sense of autonomy,” she says. “Gradually, and within reason, give them a bit of that freedom that they are asking for.” While maintaining your household rules, give her a taste of added responsibility. Allow her to walk to school or go to the movies with friends. By showing that you trust her, you will give your preteen an invaluable confidence booster. Take time out from texting In a world dominated by Blackberries and other handheld devices, it’s hard to get any preteen to take their eyes off the screen. However, it is essential for a child’s self-esteem to take time out of our technology-driven world to communicate. Doing so will improve her social skills, says Brown. “Kids get lost in that world of fantasy and stop being a part of the family,” she says. “It is important to keep that direct communication with each other.” Striking a balance between the cyber world and the real world will allow your child the chance to stay current while also making sure they don’t miss out on direct communication skills. Find a time at least once a week when you and your kids can sit down and enjoy each other’s company, sans texting or instant messaging. Whether playing a board game with your child or cheering on the sidelines of her soccer game, fostering your preteen’s confidence will make a difference now and for years to come. It simply comes down to making sure to be a working presence in your child. A child never needs enough reminding about how much you care. “A kid wants nothing more than to be loved. It’s the way we are wired,” Brown says. “If you show them you care, you will give them invaluable confidence skills that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.” WHAT YOUR KIDS CAN DO Activities your child can do that will help build self-reliance and self-esteem: 1. Keep a journal: Encourage her to write down her thoughts, feelings and experiences to help process the positives and negatives of the day. 2. Give back: Making a difference for someone else is a great way to empower yourself. 3. Polish and pamper: Give your child a little “me time” by arranging an outing for you both – go get a pedicure or watch a baseball game. This can help rediscover the importance of self. 4. Practice stillness: After a hectic day at school, kids need some downtime. Have them take a half hour of quiet reading or reflection. Thirty minutes can make all the difference. 5. Plan a family dinner or outing: Kids need to be in charge sometimes. Encourage your kids to participate in family decisions. Beth Hartnett is an intern for OC Family magazine. |
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RSS SubscribeReaders Feedback:
Loved this. We make it a point to have dinner together EVERY night at the dinner table. I did this growing up and our family had open communciation. I believe this is key:)
| Comment at 5/21/2009 |
i am looking at this myself being a tween and i feel as if i dont have enough self esteem so .. i am trying to impprove.great site by the way
| Comment at 6/4/2009 |
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