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Middle Years
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One of the shared memories of our childhood is the dreaded (loved by a few, perhaps) music lessons. Piano (or violin, flute, or guitar) lessons may have been forced upon us by our parents for a few of our middle childhood years, or they may have reluctantly allowed us to follow our dreams of playing the clarinet or trumpet for the junior high school band. Our parents did not know about the Mozart Effect or the Suzuki Method, and music practice was probably far down on our mothers' daily to-do lists. When my son was 5, his babysitter played the violin for him. He wanted to learn to do what she did, so wondering if I had a musical prodigy on my hands, I found a local Suzuki violin teacher and signed him up. You, too, may have gotten your own young Bach or Beethoven started on a musical instrument with the intention that his or her experience would be different (or, hopefully, better) than yours. A recent Gallup Poll shows that most of us think music is important for children. Whether it is learned at school or at home through private lessons, most people who learn to play an instrument start learning between the ages of 5 and 14. That means that, more often than not, parents play a role in the process. Most of what we do with our children today is done with greater purpose than our parents' approach to raising kids and this, generally, is a good thing. I attend my son's and daughter's music lessons and practice with them almost every day. Unlike my own experience, they are progressing through a repertoire of music designed to teach instruments to children (the Suzuki Method), and it is working. They are learning to play quite beautifully. On most days, I have to remind myself (and I do not always listen) that the experience is what is important, not the "end product." Seeing them grow to love and appreciate music is what counts, not how in tune they are on a given day or how perfectly they perform a piece at a recital. I know that I am not alone in harboring expectations that perfect tone will flow from the instruments played by my disciplined, intelligent children. My son recently attended a workshop for young violinists. The teacher asked the 20-plus students at one of the group classes why they practice. Hands flew up. "So I can get to the next piece." "So I can get to Book Two." "Because my mother makes me." Only one child answered, "Because playing the violin is nice." I attended a lecture for the parents of those children, and the speaker asked us why our youngsters study violin. "Because my child loves music," or, "Because my child asked to play the violin" were not among the answers. Brain development and discipline were the most common reasons. When it comes to music, the most important thing we parents should be concerned about is making certain our children love it. Music is as important to a child's education as reading, writing and arithmetic. During those middle childhood years, when adults are placing increasing academic demands on their developing intellects, music can provide children with a way to express themselves freely and creatively. On some days, if not most, try to forget about how quickly your child is progressing with a musical instrument. Remember that making the music and sharing it with others is what counts. Have concerts at home. Close your eyes and inhale your child's music. Ask them to play for you when you need cheering up, or after a hard day. Encourage them to play for relatives and friends who will express amazement at how much they have learned. Take them to concerts and let them invent their own songs. Let them skip practice occasionally. Encourage hard work, but remind them (and yourself) that the reason for playing an instrument is to make beautiful music for yourself and for others. I am not always as patient with my children as I should be when we practice together, but I love to hear them play their instruments and they know it. So far, I am not sure if it has made them more disciplined, and I know they are not geniuses, but I think their souls are coming along quite nicely. Katherine Noble-Goodman of Angelus Oaks writes for Inland Empire Family Magazine. |
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