Middle Years

On a recent day during computer lab, teacher Toni Carstens hunched over a screen to help a student. The room grew quiet, and when she looked up, she found many of the middle school students also hunched over their work. But rather than typing away at keyboards, their fingers were dancing over the keypads of their cell phones, furiously text-messaging friends.

“They thought they could get away with it because I was a sub,” she chuckles. “They just needed a quick reminder about the rules.”

Cell phones are a “must-have” accessory among the preteen set these days. In fact, one survey estimates that as many as 75% of middle schoolers have one. But when you handed over that shiny, little lifeline with 4 gigs of music and a network that never lets them down, did you spend any time talking about rules and etiquette? Or did you assume that they would know better than to try to use theirs during school?

Cell phones (and other electronic devices) offer new challenges when it comes to manners and civility. But taking the time and effort to teach kids correct cell-phone etiquette gives them an “extra edge” in life that can carry over to other situations, says Diana Olson, a certified etiquette consultant who teaches “Art of Etiquette” classes for 5- to 17-year-olds at the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach.

If you haven’t already, it’s not too late to schedule a conversation with your child about cell-phone manners. It’s one worth having, especially since the same rules apply for everyone who uses a cell phone, no matter how old that person is.

Here are a few tips to get the chat started:

> Establish cell-free zones
Even if it seems like common sense, spell out when and where it’s appropriate for your child to use her cell phone and, more importantly, where it’s not. Cell phones should be turned off (or set to vibrate) in classrooms, theaters, churches, trains, restaurants and other public places. Basically, wherever there’s the possibility of intrusion, advises Olson.

> Taking a call
There will undoubtedly be times when your son will forget to turn off the phone or set it to vibrate mode, but that doesn’t mean he should answer it if it’s anyone other than you. Instead, he should quickly turn it off without answering, says Olson. Or, if he’s expecting an urgent call, he should position himself near a door so he can step outside if he must speak to the caller.


> Concentrate on the caller
Cell-phone conversations, just like those on landlines, should be between 2 people, not a crowd. Teach your child to speak directly to the caller and only the caller, giving that person her full attention, just like she should expect others to do for her.

> Buffer all conversations
A recent survey conducted by the market research group Synovate noted that 72% of Americans view unnecessarily loud, public conversations as the worst cell-phone habit. To avoid it, teach kids to keep a 10-foot buffer zone between themselves and others when taking a call in public, suggests Naomi Poulson, a protocol consultant in Dana Point.

> Think before you text
The impersonal nature of text-messaging makes it easier to “say” things that you might not otherwise. A Pew Internet and American Life Project reported that nearly 40% of teens admitted texting messages they would not normally say to someone in person. Encourage your child to avoid impulsive text-messaging.

> Ask before you shoot
Just because a cell phone comes with a camera doesn’t mean that you can take pictures indiscriminately. Remind kids that they should always ask permission before they start snapping away.


> Mind your own manners
Of course, one of the best ways to teach your kids good cell-phone etiquette is to model it yourself. When was the last time you were chatting on your phone and ordering a coffee at the same time? Think about the rules you’ve asked your child to follow and try to do the same, yourself.

“Etiquette and manners are really about kindness and consideration,” says Olson. “The rules for children are the same now as they will be when they’re adults. It’s knowledge that lasts a lifetime.”


Michele Piazzoni is a regular contributor to OC Family Magazine.


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Beware of DisTones