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As I have meandered through a lot of the data, one thing I have learned to be absolutely true is that no one talks about bedwetting. It's morning. Huffing and puffing I amble onto my driveway after a brisk run. Since having my fourth baby last November, getting reacquainted with my physical and mental well-being is a daily priority, and an early a.m. run does the job. I pluck a flower from the jasmine tree near our front door and take in its soothing fragrance. It gives me for just a moment a sense that all's right with the world. I go into the house and head toward the bedroom shared by our two sons, ages 7 and 4. Upon entering, the jasmine scent is a distant memory as the noticeably bitter smell of urine all but knocks me over. My older son has wet the bed, again. For years, and I mean that literally, we have tried to get "Tony" dry at night. He doesn't have occasional accidents. He simply has never been dry. Each and every night, no matter, he wets. It's a daily uphill and sometimes overwhelming battle of wet clothes, constant laundry, and wondering when, if at all, this will ever end. At almost 60 pounds, Tony is at the end of the sizes that overnight diapers have to offer, and despite wearing that, plus a Depends insert normally used on the elderly, the liquid soaks through, wetting him head to toe. He wakes up every morning cranky and uncomfortable. We get him up, he undresses, and puts his wet things into a plastic bag to toss downstairs. It is, quite frankly, a lousy way to start the day. There really aren't words to describe the feelings of futility I have experienced as the mother of a bedwetter - ranging from extreme panic and stay-awake-at-night worry to shrugging my shoulders and looking the other way. Together my husband and I have tried everything - from limiting liquids after 6 p.m., to dragging him sleep-walking to the toilet at midnight, to making him strip his bed day after day. "Don't sweat it - he'll grow out of it," dead-panned our pediatrician, whose advice is usually right on about most medical calamities. "You wouldn't believe how common this is, and the more you make an issue out of it, the more stressed out he'll be." Well, she's right - about the stressing him out part. I'm not so sure about the growing out of it. I have been all over the Internet, researching bedwetting, posting messages to other parents of bedwetters, and I've met more than a few families of 14-year-olds who to this day are still not dry. Then I've heard of families whose sons did this until 10 or so and then magically stopped wetting. One Internet site claims that bedwetting is the No. 1 reason for discharge from the military. My own father recalls going to camp with someone as an 11-year-old boy, who each night begged, "Please wake me up at midnight or I'll wet the bed." As I have meandered through a lot of the data, one thing I have learned is that no one talks about bedwetting. Gather a group of moms in the parking lot after school and you'll hear them discuss a myriad of worries with their children - tackling the homework load, getting them over a bout with the flu - even behavior problems, but nobody starts the conversation off with, "Yeah, my kid wet the bed for the 10th night straight." Nocturnal enuresis, the medical term for bedwetting, affects some 5 to 7 million children and adolescents in the U.S. Left untreated, only 15 percent of these cases correct themselves on their own, leaving the rest to struggle privately with this little-discussed problem. The causes, according to Enuresis Associates, a Maryland-based medical practice that specializes in bedwetting, are not the typical beliefs such as drinking too much in the evening. In fact, they say that there is no one cause of bedwetting, making the condition harder to pinpoint, and hence harder to treat. Well, no kidding. Last summer, we started Tony on a moisture-detector alarm. It's a sensor that attaches to the child's underwear that then sounds an alarm when an accident happens while they sleep. The alarm, which I must say does make quite a racket, is really meant to awaken the parents who then must in the beginning help the child to the bathroom. Tony would sit on the edge of his bed and scream bloody murder still half-asleep each night when the alarm would sound. The drill took its toll. I was also pregnant, with my husband leaving at 5 every morning for a special project at work. So we were weary, and, after 45 nights, we said, "Forget this." Still, if you are looking for an effective solution, the alarm is probably the way to go. We've tried putting Tony on bedwetting medications, all without real success once you stop taking them. A follow-up phone call to the company that sold us the alarm confirmed my understanding. "It takes a good 10-12 weeks for long-term results," the rep said when I told her of our struggle. "You just gotta hang in there." So this summer, we'll give it another shot with a newer model of the alarm. In the meantime, I stock up on detergent and try during the worst of it to keep perspective. I'm grateful that I'm not the parent of a child with a terminal illness. I'm thrilled to live in an era of central heating, waterproof mattress pads and washing machines. But most of all, when you stack it up, my son is an adorable child, who has taught me, albeit kicking and screaming, what it really means to love a child unconditionally. I might despise the odor that greets me every morning when I walk into that room, but oh how I love the boy underneath those sheets. Newport Beach resident Jenny Bioche is the mother of four and speaks to parenting groups. E-mail: jbioche@adelphia.net Information For more information on bedwetting, causes and treatments, visit Enuresis Associates' website: www.dryatnight.com. More information on moisture alarms can be found at www.bedwettingstore.com or by calling 800.214.9605. |
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