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Go Ask Your Dad

Tread lightly By Tony DoderoPublished: April, 2010

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I should have paid closer heed when my oldest daughter, Danielle, asked me this: “Dad, why do people say ‘no offense’ but then tell you something that hurts your feelings?”     I don’t know why we do that. But I do know that telling people how we really feel can be offensive, no matter how much we sugarcoat it.     Just ask President Obama.     He recently caught some heat for suggesting that one of his daughters was “chubby.” That little fatherly comment was probably meant in a harmless way, but some groups chided the president for saying something so potentially damaging to a young girl.     As another president would probably say, “I feel your pain, President Obama.”     Knowing that childhood obesity is skyrocketing to epidemic proportions, I am probably oversensitive to what my kids eat and what shape they are in. So, I too have reminded my middle daughter, Kristen, to not eat so much. I have patted her tummy on occasion and said, “You need better posture.”     My wife, Beth, was horrified.     “Don’t say that to her,” she said. “You’ll hurt her feelings.”     Kristen is not obese by any means. She eats fruits and vegetables, and she is an active little girl who plays soccer, loves to swim and enjoys outdoor activities. But Kristen, unfortunately, inherited her dad’s, um, stocky physique.     I just want to protect her from my same lifetime battle against weight gain and the urge to devour an entire box of Cheez-Its. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize just how mean I can sound, and the last person I’d ever want to hurt is Kristen, the sweetest kid on the planet.     So, I’m here to warn dads to be careful about what they say, especially to their girls.     Sandy Maple recently wrote on Forbes.com: “I still vividly recall when … my own father casually mentioned that I was getting a little chubby. He said it gently and with a smile on his face, but I was devastated. I was already insecure about the way my body was shaping up, and his words whittled away at my already-weakening self-esteem.”     After reading that, I’ll never bring the topic up to Kristen again. But hurt feelings aside, the obesity concern is real, and according to the Internet site WebMD (webmd.com), one in five children is considered obese. Obesity increases the risk of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and bone and skin problems – even in children.     And according to that same WebMD site, the rise in obesity in children can be easily reversed with some simple steps: > Lead by example. > Plan family activities that provide everyone with exercise, like walking, biking or swimming. > Be sensitive to your child’s needs. > Reduce the amount of time you and your family spend in sedentary activities, such as watching TV or playing video games. These are tips I need to live by, as well. So, no offense, moms and dads, but our children need to be in better shape. And if you tell them, choose your words wisely. Tony Dodero is a longtime Orange County journalist and former editor of the Daily Pilot. Contact him at doderocommunications.com.

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