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 My 5-year-old son, Nathan, and I were driving in the car when he shouted out a question from his car seat. “Daddy,” he said. “Is Superman real?” Without blinking an eye, I told him the same thing I tell his older sisters, Danielle, 10, and Kristen, 8, when they ask me about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. “Of course he is,” I said. “Really?” he asked incredulously. “Yes,” I said. He then fired back with this one. “Then why didn’t he come down when I called for him in the backyard?” “Well,” I said. “That’s because he knew you really weren’t in trouble.”  Parents often joke that there is no guidebook for raising kids. Most, like me, just learn on the job. Some things come easy. Maybe it helps that I started my family late in life. I was 37 when Danielle was born. Still, I knew my life would change dramatically. I was in for years of bottle feeding, changing diapers and princess parties. What I didn’t count on, though, were all the questions. Clever questions. Absurd questions. Natural questions. My children had so many good questions, and I had so few good answers. Back to my son’s question. The easy answer, to me, is just to tell him no. No, Nathan, a man can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound with just a red cape and a blue suit. Duh ... Sure, it’s the truth. But I have a question. Why can’t Nathan keep his imagination intact, even if it means Dad tells a white lie? I asked Dr. Victoria Smith, a Fullerton clinical psychologist, what she thought. “Children at that age are in that pre-operative learning mode,” she said. “When you get to the teenage years, you gain more logic. But toddlers and preteens tend to think in magical terms, and that’s OK.” It’s also a way to teach children good morals, she said. And it also wouldn’t hurt to turn the question back to the child. “If kids ask that, say, ‘What do you think?’” Smith said being frank with young children may not work, either. “Some parents are more scientific,” she said. “Kids turn off. Kids can’t really think in scientific terms.” No big surprise – I agree with her. I believe kids grow up too fast. My daughters are already seasoned soccer players. They’ve danced in the Nutcracker Ballet, twice, and performed on stage at least five other times, once at the Orange County Fair. They can maneuver through a laptop computer at lightning speed, and they’ve done public speaking in front of their classmates. Nathan, in kindergarten, is doing addition and subtraction, reading short books and completing spelling tests. The childhood I remember of watching cartoons and playing hide and go seek with scads of neighborhood kids doesn’t exist anymore. In my kindergarten, I won points for learning the Pledge of Allegiance, tying my own shoes and taking naps. So, really, I think my kids are going to be just fine, even if I am guilty of keeping the world of make believe alive. Tony Dodero is a longtime O.C. journalist and former editor of the Daily Pilot. Contact him at doderocommunications.com. This is his first column for OC Family. |
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Love it!
| Comment at 7/1/2009 |
Love it! I'm relieved to know that I didn't damage my kids as the magic of Santa lives on!!!
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
Tony, Great article....Keep the kids dreaming!!!!
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
Tony,
We all need magic in our lives and especially children today who grow up so quickly!
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
I love reading about a dad's perspective on raising children! And Tony seems to fit the bill perfectly. Nice addition to the mag.
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
Tony,
Good column. The clinical psychologist's take was enlightening.
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
Love the artical. It really hits close to home. Looking forward to more on this subject. Thanks, Torrance Mom
| Comment at 7/2/2009 |
Hi Tony.
My son told me Santa Claus didn't exist when he was 5! (Course, we're Jewish and his day school may have had something to do with that.)
| Comment at 7/4/2009 |
I love it, you are an awesome writer I can't wait for more!!!
| Comment at 7/8/2009 |
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