When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, men are simply not in “the know.” They aren’t feeling the kicks and nudges, early morning nausea and late-night urges to visit the little girl’s room. They didn’t grow up babysitting the kid down the street or listening to their aunts kvetch about teething and potty-training.
All of this baby business can be intimidating, so most do the manly thing and clam up. If you really want your partner’s support, appeal to his need to provide and protect. He’ll get an ego boost and you’ll succeed in involving him in one of the most transformative experiences of your lives.
There are dozens of ways your partner can show his love during and after your pregnancy, but let him choose how he wants to participate. Nothing discourages the alpha male more from getting in touch with his feminine side than a pushy pregnant partner. My husband shunned the 100+ page parenting and child-birthing tomes I suggestively placed by his bedside table, but was surprisingly receptive to parenting magazines casually camped out in “the library.” He felt empowered wielding power tools while assembling the crib and enjoyed shopping for practical baby items, such as the car seat and stroller. And something about the title “Labor Coach” really got his adrenaline going.
When all else fails, appeal to your partner’s competitive nature. Men who feel uncomfortable with all this baby business get in the spirit when they see other guys stepping up. Your man may benefit from knowing the whole baby experience is going co-ed, from educational classes to doctor’s visits to baby showers. When he takes a step in the right direction, be sure to take notice.
Vice versa, if his diapering skills leave a little something to be desired, try not to overreact. The learning curve promises that his daddy skills will improve.
S. Danyelle Knight is an award-winning contributing writer to OC Family Magazine.
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