EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
Feature Story
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Remember when you were a child? No cares. No worries. The toughest part of the day was downing the peas on your plate at dinner. Or maybe fighting with your brother. But admit it, even that was kind of fun. You could skip down the street and no one would laugh. You could dream of becoming an astronaut and parents and teachers would encourage you. The world was full of wonder and possibilities. That was then. Now you're an adult and it's simply not like that anymore. Your own aspirations have been tucked away in some private mental scrapbook of what could have been. And when was the last time you felt happy enough to skip, anyway? What happened? You grew up. Others began to define success for you and to tell you what constitutes happiness. (Children figure that out for themselves.) Things like responsibility invaded your world. Now, on top of earning a living, you're responsible for making certain your own child's world is as carefree as yours USED to be. And that's exactly the way it should be. Except, of course, that part of the fun in life - the skipping and dreaming - is missing. And when the fun is missing, so are many of life's other pleasures. Perhaps that's why the National Institute of Mental Health reports that almost 10 percent of us, that's roughly 22 million adults, suffer from some form of depression. And with depression weighing you down, it's pretty tough to be at your best, not only for your child's sake, but also for your own. Wouldn't it be nice to view the world as a child again, to enjoy the unhurried path to fulfillment? How do you recapture a little of the pure joy inherent in a child and squeeze it back into your world? The answer could very well be standing right in front of you. Though a little short, a generation removed, and quite possibly still in training pants, your own child may be your best teacher. In his book, "Why Kids Don't Have Heart Attacks!" (The Henderson Group), author Julius Henderson claims that just by watching how children deal with what the world tosses their way, adults can actually refocus their approach to life and ultimately find real happiness. "Kids can serve as a reminder of things that are important," Henderson says. "In our fast-paced society, we forget about the authentic things of life. You say, 'Oh yeah, I remember when looking at the birds or enjoying the sun was important.' All adults, when they look at kids, begin to reminisce." Henderson isn't suggesting that you ignore your responsibilities as an adult and a parent, but he does encourage us to rekindle that feeling of freedom our children enjoy each day of their lives. He says that there are several reasons that "kids have fun while adults have Prozac." They include such natural kid-like tendencies as not wasting time, recognizing themselves as celebrities, and having a positive attitude. Living in the moment might just be the most important lesson our children teach us. "I thoroughly believe that children have no past and no future, as far as their perception of life is concerned," Henderson says. "They have no memory of what happened yesterday or get bogged down with the future. They're only concerned with, 'Can I enjoy today,' and no one has defined their inadequacies for them." Children can forget yesterday's temper tantrum and climb into your arms without hesitation. The past is just that in a child's mind, while in contrast, we tend to hang on to our mishaps from one day to the next. A child can push aside all other responsibilities, such as cleaning their room, in order to focus 100 percent on the task at hand. Whether it's jumping rope or coloring a picture, they have the ability to concentrate on every aspect of their endeavor because they are "in the moment." If we adults would set aside time to focus in the same way, perhaps some of our own aspirations would begin to take shape again. Of course, we can't shirk our grown-up duties, but we CAN put them aside for a specified period of time, in order to revisit our own goals. Take, for example, a mother with three children who would love to be a painter. Henderson argues that even in her hurried life, it's not impossible for her to fulfill her dream. He warns, however, that the dream must be about HER (as it is with children) and not what the world thinks of her. "If it's for ME, then I don't need other people to validate it. I can go to [a ceramic store like] Color Me Mine and spend time creating a piece of art for ME. If I want to sing, I can sing all day. It's really about, 'Who am I doing it for?' If it's an agenda for yourself, you can do all of that even though surrounded by other obligations." Henderson says it's that kind of thinking that puts us in the mindset of a child, enabling us to pursue our own enjoyment and fulfillment. What's more, Henderson says children crave real things. Warmth, love and security top their list. Have you ever heard a child say he was striving for wealth? Not likely. They're seeking the things that can be found at home or in the sandbox. They are satisfied with the hugs, their toys and their home, because society has yet to overwhelm them with images of things they are told they SHOULD want. "They don't know what status is," Henderson explains. "Kids are protected by things they don't know." Recall the popular book by Robert Fulghum, "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" (Ivy). The book's jacket sums up the author's theory for happiness. Fulghum says to live with a childlike wonder and follow the basic rules of life we all learn as kids, but sometimes forget to follow as adults. Among the list are simple strategies such as, "Warm cookies and milk are good for you," and, "Take a nap every afternoon." Ideas we instinctively impress on our children, but rarely impose on ourselves. Nurturing the child within us is the perfect place to begin the search for peace and happiness. In fact, the idea of napping has been proven to enhance our ability to get through our adult day successfully. The "power nap," as described by a team of Harvard researchers, can "reduce irritation, frustration and poorer performance on a mental task." According to their July 2002 report, we should "stop feeling guilty about taking that power nap." In his introduction, Fulghum writes, "...imagination is stronger than knowledge..." and "...dreams are more powerful than facts..." These are ideas you probably lived by up until you turned, say, 10 years old. Imagination and dreams dwindle as we grow older, but they are the very things that happiness and hope are steeped in. While most of us have ruled out becoming an astronaut, there are other pursuits we must give ourselves a chance to attain. It might be learning to play the piano. Maybe it's writing a novel or growing prize roses. Dreams are dreams, big or small, and pursuing them taps into the purest form of happiness that lives in all children. So, have a cookie and some milk. Take a nap. And, if no one's looking, skip a little. We can all learn from our children. They are the key to our happiness. But then, you already knew that. For more information on Henderson's book, visit www.hggrp.com. Kimberly A. Porrazzo is an author and columnist. She lives in Lake Forest with her husband and two sons. By e-mail: kimberlyporrazzo@cox.net. |
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