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The MIT director of admissions made an astonishingstatement last year - high school students should have fun and enjoy their college prep years. The idea itself certainly shocked many of the nation's top students who aspire to attend the renowned school. After all, they often lose count of sleepless nights spent finishing projects or studying for tests after days jam-packed with activities. The expectation is that you can't have much fun if you want to get into MIT. Well, not anymore. Like many of the top colleges today, MIT's focus is on balance. It added a new question to its application that asked students to write about "something you do for the pleasure of it." With so many applicants in the mindset of just getting questions answered correctly, this must be a real show-stopper. Balance is a theme that resonates with K-12 educators, who too often see students sacrificing their youth for the promise of entry into a top college. MIT at Sage Hill A newspaper article about MIT's shifting focus hangs in the staff lounge at Sage Hill, an independent college preparatory high school in Newport Beach. The school opened in September 2000 and has developed a national reputation as a top West Coast prep school. Although the school focuses on preparing students for college, that isn't the sole mission. Sage Hill's staff seeks to give every student a solid liberal education. "When we saw that article, it was an instant and guttural reaction for us in terms of having a congruent philosophy," says Peter Saliba, academic dean at Sage Hill. "High school is not a means to an end. High school is an experience in itself. It's not just a steppingstone to college. In high school, you learn skills you need to have in order to cope with the college experience. One of those skills is clearly prioritizing and balancing." Dr. Laura Roth, dean of school life and counseling at Sage Hill, says students aren't the only ones who need to hear that message - parents can often drive their children to lead unbalanced lives in pursuit of success. "When parents see this article, they may say, `Ya, sure, if I take that approach, my kid's never going to get into college,'" she says. "If a kid is enjoying their life, they're a much better applicant for college than if they're one-dimensional...It's important for them to find what they love to do so when they apply to college, they're going to be a much more interesting person." Find and embrace the balance Sage Hill's goal is to educate balanced students; campus life provides students time during the day to relax, socialize and pursue individual interests. They play games like Monopoly or Frisbee at lunch time, or have fun on computers. Faculty also models that balance. In addition to being teachers, most faculty have other responsibilities such as coaching, publications or clubs. Students actually view the faculty as more than teachers. Ross says there is a misunderstanding among many families about what it takes to be successful in a preparatory environment like Sage Hill. "A lot of people assume in this school that our kids are in this incredible pressure cooker and they can't wait to get out because it's work, work, work," she says. "Parents would be appalled if they knew their kids were just hanging out as much as they do. If kids stay up all night here, it's because they procrastinated on a project and they have to stay up all night to make up for that. Kids are actually being kids here." If kids aren't allowed to be kids, they learn harmful behaviors that will stay with them throughout their life, impacting their health and families, she adds. Avoiding the inevitable fallout Depression is a key word - and a common occurrence in children who are focused on only one aspect of life. They won't come out and say they're depressed, but they will talk about how "stressed" they are. If parents or educators ask the right questions, however, they'll often uncover the symptoms. Depression is just one of the many side effects suffered by students who don't take time out to pursue interests, spend time with friends and family, or even get a good night's sleep. Debbie Morgan, College and Career Planning Center manager for Capistrano Unified School District, has assembled 10 of these stories from her counseling career into a presentation that leaves parents and students alike tearful. "I didn't do it for many years because I was afraid I'd stand up in front of the room and cry," she says of relating the powerful stories. "But I finally did it and it was everything I'd hoped it would be and more. The stories I was telling them were about kids who taught me these lessons. They were better teachers than any mentor I ever had and better stories than any person could have told me. What I was really trying to say to these people is we have to have some perspective here." It takes a lot to keep that perspective, as competition for spots in top colleges increases and students push themselves harder. Morgan suggests that students do everything from getting daily exercise to scheduling "down time" to sticking with activities they love rather than those they think will look good on a college application. "Kids should do these things not for college, or their parents or their grandparents, but because it is a great way for them to live," she says. "Take a look at what you're good at, what you're passionate about and what you want to do. Let your kids find something they like to do and do it, and then the happiness will be a reward. That relieves so much pressure. Kids are doing things for the wrong reasons and that's what's caused a lot of grief." Morgan also counsels families to stop raising the bar higher and higher. If a child does her best, that's the best expectation. Demanding perfection is not healthy. That attitude does not give a student license to slack off or procrastinate, but it does offer up the possibility of being satisfied with a "B." "Kids have to be reminded that when you go to school every day, that's your profession," she says. "You go to work prepared, you come on time and you do your very best work. If your best earns you an A, fabulous. If your best earns you a C, that's OK, too. That's the best you can be. For kids to beat up on themselves is not healthy. These are kids who can't handle disappointment and failure, and failure to them is a B on a paper. Those are the students we don't recommend to the Ivy Leagues. Let's focus on doing your best at all times and take pride that you've done your best. That's all you can ask of yourself. Once you've done that, then that's your measurement - no apologies." Walk the walk While parents can talk about balance to their children, it won't do much good unless they model the behavior. For instance, staying at the office and missing family dinners or spending weekends at the computer working doesn't model balance for children. Saliba, from Sage Hill, says it's important for parents to communicate to children the lessons of a full life in both talk and action. "Parents and students need to communicate, and parents need to model the idea of balance and have that as a value," Saliba says. "Clear, consistent, open communication with your adolescent, who frankly doesn't always understand balance. They hear so many messages from media and maybe from parents and peers that skew their perception of balance. The great `how' in terms of what to do to achieve balance is parent/student communication." Another important lesson is finding focus. Focus on what the child is passionate about, and focus on more than just academics. Focus on happiness by taking time out to, quite simply, focus. (One of the givens of great business leaders is that they take an hour a day to simply think.) "'To do or not to do' seems to be the question these days,'" says Margaret Eszlinger, director of counseling for Eastside Christian Schools headquartered in Fullerton. "I don't think it's about how long that laundry list of things you've done is, compared to what experiences have you encountered and grown from. I ask my kids, 'If there's only one wonderful thing you can brag about that you have done or accomplished, what is it?' My point is to get them to focus on something versus everything as being the mode of operation. "Perhaps MIT says relax and enjoy themselves so they can stop and realize the creativity and self-discovery that can come from taking a break from the daily grind. I don't think Starbucks makes millions because everyone thinks it has the best coffee: It is successful because sometimes it's worth 3 bucks to stop for a moment and smell the aroma." Jennifer Leuer of Yorba Linda is an education reporter. For Letters: ocfamily.com 10 lessons learned Debbie Morgan, College and Career Planning Center manager for Capistrano Unified School District, gives a presentation to families about the importance of taking time to have fun and balance academics with personal interests. "Kids are on a hell-bent cycle to burn up and burn out sometimes," she says. Drawing from her lengthy counseling career, Morgan assembled 10 stories of students who lost that balance and the consequences they endured - from failing to graduate to an inability to deal with failure to suffering from failing health. The powerful stories are stark illustrations of what can happen to youths who focus too heavily on succeeding in the classroom and ignore the other aspects of their lives. Here are Morgan's 10 tips for maintaining balance in a student's life: 1. Every student needs to have a wellness plan to stay healthy. Students often eat on the go, but they need to have 3 square meals a day. Besides eating good proteins, such as meat, fruits, veggies and grains, Morgan also recommends at least 20 minutes of exercise a day. Even a walk will do the trick. And remember to take naps on the weekend! 2. Keep a calendar. This helps students schedule leisure time and reduces stress by getting those long to-do lists out of their brain and onto paper. "They get so caught up in the business of their schedules that they forget things, and then they beat themselves up," she says. 3. Take time to reflect and plan. Each year, think about plans for the following year and the longer-term future. Students should reflect alone and also talk with grandparents, parents, guidance counselors and teachers. The goal is to explore things they are good at, what they enjoy, what they are passionate about and blend those into goals, objectives and plans. Morgan's advice to parents: "Give credibility to their hopes and dreams." 4. Do your best and you'll have no regrets. Students who beat up on themselves after the fact are being destructive, so Morgan stresses the need for them to give their all and then let go. 5. Understand the difference between homework and studying. Students usually get homework a few times a week, but they should remember to study 7 days a week. If they consistently review their notes and their textbook, they can avoid the stressful cramming before an exam or big paper. 6. Don't confuse the competitiveness of college admissions with the simplicity of what it takes to get there. Students need a strong academic record that reflects their work, activities that draw on their strengths and passions, and recommendations from people who know them well. Morgan suggests all students (beginning in kindergarten) develop a resume that's updated each year. "We don't want 2,500 ASB presidents on a college campus." 7. Relax, you've already been admitted to college. The state's community colleges are great springboards to 4-year universities. In fact, many middle and high schoolers already are taking courses at community colleges. One student graduated from high school in June, got her associate's degree in August and will start Purdue University as a junior this fall. 8. Focus on what you're good at and what you enjoy. Colleges don't want to see dozens of activities on your resume. They want to see a few activities that students really enjoy. 9. Read something for enjoyment every day. Maybe it's People or ESPN magazine or a romance novel. 10. Ask for help when you need it. Talk with guidance and career counselors, teachers, neighbors. There is no such thing as a stupid question, so start asking. - Compiled by Jennifer Leuer |
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