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When Stephanie Cummings swings her legs over the side of the bed at 4:30 a.m. six days a week, she knows her feet won't stop running until close to midnight. With a full-time job, more than 17 units of coursework each semester and a 2-year-old daughter to raise by herself, Cummings has learned to be the ultimate time manager. After getting herself ready for a full day of work and school, she wakes up daughter Delana for breakfast and the short drive from Anaheim Hills to Rancho Santiago College's day-care center. She's at work as a veterinary technician by 7 a.m. Maybe she could look forward to a quiet lunch hour for a reprieve? Not a chance. Cummings uses her one-hour midday break for studying and sometimes even fits a class into that slot. In the early evening she feeds and bathes her daughter, then leaves bedtime stories to Delana's grandma as she rushes off to an evening class. Sunday - her only day off - is dedicated to her daughter. They read books, play games. When Delana's naptime arrives, Cummings does some laundry or catches up on homework. This grueling schedule won't end anytime soon. Although she's close to finishing her bachelor's degree, she won't be done with school until she's earned her doctorate in psychology. "I'm probably shooting a little bit higher than most single moms," says the Rancho Santiago student, who adds she couldn't get through a day without her day planner. "I'm not going to settle for mediocre. A child isn't going to stop you. If anything, it motivates you more. I just look at her every day. How could you not push yourself that hard for them? How could you not?" By the numbers Although Cummings says she hasn't met any other mothers at school (who has time?), she's not alone. On college campuses around Orange County, mothers are fighting drooping eyelids during lectures, making mental notes of all their to-do's at class breaks and worrying more about their children's homework than their own. But despite the sleep deprivation, hectic schedules and absence of "me" time, they believe going back to school is one of the best things they've done. The key is finding a support network and taking it one day at a time. As a single parent with only her mom living locally, Cummings has had to build up support. She relies on a pair of dependable babysitters, some good friends and the help of Santiago's day-care center. After her divorce, Cummings went back to school so she could provide a better lifestyle for her daughter and says she will never consider welfare to make ends meet. But she is grateful for the subsidized child care offered to full-time students. "That's my blessing right there," she says. Plus, her daughter loves the facility. Childcare is key Securing a stable child-care plan was the first thing on Sherlene Laubie's mind when she decided to work on a master's degree. This fall, Laubie, a resource teacher at Abraham Lincoln Elementary School in Anaheim, will wrap up a 2 1/2-year master's program at Cal State Fullerton. "If I waited any longer, I wouldn't do it, but if I did it any sooner it would have been too soon for my kids," says Laubie, who lives in Brea. "I wish I did it before my children, but I don't get to go back. I had to think, `Is this even feasible? Can I work this?'" Laubie credits her husband and both of her daughters' grandmothers. She sat her mom and her husband's mom down before she went back to school and made sure they knew what they were getting into - watching Kalie, now 6, and Kelsey, now 9, one night a week each, no matter what. "I could not have done it without them," she says. "It's been great for my kids too. They know one night a week is one grandma, and the other night is the other grandma. It's drawn everybody a little bit closer at the same time." It's also allowed Laubie to show her two daughters the importance of an education. She says they often sit together at the kitchen table with homework spread out. But long after her daughters go to bed, Laubie is quietly typing away on a paper or plugging through her reading assignments. And with so much to do, sometimes she just can't do it all. "I still give them the attention they need, but sometimes that doesn't happen and they've come to live with that," she says. "They know what Mommy's doing is important and will help all of us later on in life. They will have something they can remember and say, `My mom was really motivated to do something to better herself.' It's never too late to go back to school or too late to do something you want to do and make yourself better because of it. I always tell them you can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do as long as you put your mind to it, and I got through it." Being the example setter Cecile Richardson is the only single mom in her MBA class at UC Irvine. The mother of two finishes her three-year program next spring. Like Laubie, Richardson's family provides invaluable support while she juggles a full-time job, school, classes and evening group meetings. The biggest scheduling challenge came when she had to travel to Europe this past spring as part of her degree program. She devised an intricate agenda for her children and coordinated schedules of three family members to make it all work. Richardson wanted to earn an MBA to open up new career possibilities and knew it would be a tough transition. But still, the first few months were a shock. "I wasn't used to reading 50 or 60 pages for each class at a time," she says. "It wasn't like this when I was an undergrad. I also didn't have two kids in tow and a full-time job then either." Ensuring that Carina, 6, and Rashaun, 8, understand they are still her priority means less sleep, little time for friends and careful scheduling. Oh, and did she mention less sleep? "I try to insulate them as much as possible from my school work," she says. "In the very beginning it was a novelty: Mom has a new computer. But they definitely noticed I had a lot more tension. They observed that I was more preoccupied, which was a little disheartening. I try to start studying when they go to sleep. I've had to definitely function on a lot less sleep. I was so used to eight hours and cutting it in half to four or five was hard, to put it mildly. At least during the week they are able to see me and interact with me." Although the transition was hard and Richardson looks forward to free evenings with no more classes and weekends full of fun, she says her children have learned some good lessons. They talk to their friends at school about the importance of a graduate degree. And they've learned to rely on themselves more. "They've become a lot more self sufficient, getting food or a drink for themselves and playing on their own," she says. "They're able to work out differences on their own and not yell, `Moooooom' when something happens. I don't play referee as much." Looking into the future is something most working moms in school try not to do. It's simply too overwhelming. Laubie suggests the key to her success at Cal State Fullerton has been breaking everything into baby steps. But she does allow herself to think about the ultimate goal - a degree under her belt and more time for her family. What will graduation day be like? "I think I'll walk, more for my kids than me," she says. "And my mom really wants to see it too. I'm the first in my family to attend a four-year college and graduate and the first to get a master's degree. (Walking) is more for them than me. Then we'll have a big party afterward." With a champagne toast? Not quite, she says. "In our house, it's more like punch." Jennifer Leuer of Yorba Linda is a regular contributor. Tips to make it work Thinking of heading back to school? Here are some suggestions direct from moms who are successfully juggling full-time jobs, schoolwork and raising children. • Build a reliable support network. Choose family members you trust and close friends. Cultivate relationships with dependable babysitters. Don't be afraid to ask for your spouse's help. Be honest about the time commitment and make sure they understand how important they are to helping you succeed. • Know that success is your only goal. Make up your mind that you can - and will - make this happen. • Take it one step at a time. You're going to get through this. Break it down into baby steps. • Prepare yourself for less sleep. That's the first thing to go. • Don't underestimate yourself and don't listen to people who discourage you. You can do it and you can always find a way to make it work. – Compiled by Jennifer Leuer |
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