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Strategies educators use to teach their children By Jennifer Leuer Every day, private schools around Orange County work to prepare students for a bright future. But what about when these educators switch off the school lights and return home at night? We talked with some of them about the strategies they use in their personal lives to coach their own children for success. One key lesson they all shared was the importance of making sure school and home complement one another. These educators found schools that echo their personal beliefs and typically chose to work there because they believed in the education their children were receiving. We talked with Judy Sykes, who enrolled her children in Carden Conservatory in Huntington Beach several years before taking a position as financial administrator there. Today, she continues the work even after her two children graduated. She says from the moment she saw a production of “Peter Pan” at another Carden campus, she knew the school’s philosophy was right for her family. “I am someone that wants to keep the values I’m teaching at home going on at school,” she says. “Making sure kids have good values and will be responsible if you can find a school that can reinforce the values you teach at home, that’s so important.” Carole Calabria found an instant connection with Fairmont Private School’s focus on academics and character when she first visited the campus about 25 years ago. She moved from a job in a public school classroom to teach at Fairmont and started her two sons’ education there. Now, one of her sons teaches at Fairmont and she is director of the school’s Mable campus. As a parent, Calabria lived what she now expects of other families commitment to studies, morals and enrichment. “Fairmont expects a lot and gives a lot,” she says. Listen and laugh It may sound simple, but it’s a powerful lesson in Margaret Eszlinger’s home. These two actions are the foundation for a healthy and happy life in this counselor’s eyes. Eszlinger’s daughter and son attend Oakridge Junior High, where she teaches life skills. She is also the director of counseling at Eastside High School and maintains a private college counseling practice. “My No. 1 goal with my children is that we listen and laugh together often,” Eszlinger says. You will often hear Margaret remind her children that it’s all about a positive attitude that will determine who has the friends, who gets the job, and how healthy you’ll be. School is the priority “When you have children, you do build your lives around them,” Calabria says. “A lot of it is respect for school and its importance.” In Calabria’s home, that meant making sure homework from Fairmont was done and that her sons had a special place and plenty of time to focus on their assignments. She also built in time every morning to help them prepare for school. Every weekday she would take them to Coco’s for breakfast, where they would talk about assignments and get quizzed for upcoming tests over toast, cereal and juice. It was only a half-hour to 45 minutes every day, but it created a lifetime of memories. “It was a wonderful experience,” Calabria says of their breakfast time. “They knew us there. Those were moments for me and my children.” Read, read, read “Reading should be enjoyable and fun, so when they get to school and they’re learning to read, they’re still having fun,” Sykes says. “And if they wanted me to read a story five times, I’d read a story five times.” Carden’s focus on reading in the early grades impressed Sykes and made her feel like her children were learning to love reading at home and at school. She also makes an effort to lead by example, so no sitting in front of the television or computer. She spent her free time reading, talking and playing with her children when they were young. Look for learning moments “Every day is an opportunity to teach a lesson on values or character,” Calabria says. “With your own children, if they’re not responding to what you say, or at school, if they get in an argument, take time to help them consider how they could have handled a situation differently. Or ask them how they could have resolved a similar conflict better in the future.” And remember that your actions are often the most powerful teaching tool. “The No. 1 thing with our children is to be what we want them to be,” Calabria says. “If we have disagreements with colleagues in front of them, it’s a bad example. If we don’t value the children, they learn from that. They learn much more from what we do than what we say.” College is part of the plan Sykes of Carden always talked to her children about their education as a preschool through college continuum. Consequently, she says her children didn’t have a need to debate whether they were going to attend college it was just part of the plan. Communication There’s no replacement for good communication skills whether it’s working out conflicts, understanding a lesson or just learning about the world. Sykes says she started early with her children so when they hit the teenage years, they already felt comfortable talking with her about problems. She also worked on handling her own anger because she felt it would impact how open her children would be with her. She always explained she wasn’t mad at her children, but that she was just disappointed with the results of their actions. She also made a point to praise them for coming to her to discuss a difficult topic or a mistake they made. Eszlinger makes an effort to praise her children so they are reminded of her support. “I believe it’s crucial they know I believe in them, therefore I commend and recommend regularly,” she says. Balance It’s important to enjoy the journey and not only focus on the destination. “Professionally and personally, I don’t want kids to get hung up on scrambling for the end, the report card, or the goal, so much as noticing the experience along the way,” Eszlinger says. “They could tell you I purport: Don’t be afraid to fail and don’t be afraid to win, in both cases there’s learning.” She says Oakridge has helped her children build the foundation for creativity and studies while still having time and energy for leisure. “There is such a variety of opportunities for kids in Orange County to try positive things academically, socially and athletically,” she says. “My guys know that I push for all of us to work hard and play hard, in that order. I strive to be there for them in both cases.” When they start to stress out, she reminds them that if the choices they make are worthy, the positive results usually follow. She adds: “Yes, seniors, even with those college applications.” Building a support network Calabria and her husband are proud of their two sons’ accomplishments both are college graduates, professionals and, as she puts it, very responsible adults. But, she says, she and her husband didn’t do it alone. “Coming to this school was such a blessing,” she says of Fairmont. “We worked very hard but a lot of it came from this school, the students and the teachers. I give a lot of that credit to Fairmont. I always felt (my sons) really had respect for me, my husband and the school.” Respect and reason As children hit the teen years, the rollercoaster ride begins. When it came to curfews, Sykes tried to explain her concerns to her teens, set firm limits and looked for agreements that met both her and her children’s needs. She told her children she wasn’t worried about them being responsible late at night but she was worried about other drivers being drunk or tired. “It’s a different role,” she says. “You have to show confidence in them and know they are going to be fine. I told them, `I know you’re not going to be doing anything wrong. I’m worried about the other guy.’” She encouraged her kids to bring their friends home with them and continue their fun there with movies, pizza and games. And if they were going to be late, they would call with an explanation and an updated arrival time. Making sure she reinforced respect and reasonable explanations early on was key as her children matured. “If you can teach respect from a very young age, it will stick with them when they get older,” she says. They’re always your babies They may grow tall and develop that adolescent “attitude,” but they’re never too old to be nurtured. Eszlinger summed it up succinctly: “Remember, they are never too old to ‘tuck in’ at night.” Reach out Educators have a host of ideas on how to prepare children for successful futures. And they can also learn from your tips too. Remember to reach out to other parents and educators to trade tips. Eszlinger says she relies on her parenting experiences daily as an educator. “I feel I have the luxury to compare what everyone else does from the angles of an educator and a parent,” she says. “I believe the more we can collaborate about what works and what doesn’t, all our kids can benefit.” Jennifer Leuer of Orange is an education reporter. Parents Respond Educators aren’t the only experts on preparing children for success. Parents around Orange County have their own tips for raising accomplished youngsters. Here’s what a group of St. Margaret’s Episcopal School parents had to share: “In order to prepare for success it is important to define it. In our family we measure success by attributes such as honesty, integrity, the care for those less fortunate, rising to many and varied challenges and respect for others. We encourage our children to try new things and try to prepare them to accept disappointment and even failure.” Robert Edwards, current parent “I believe success can only be measured by having a well-rounded child; one who is encouraged to develop spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally... It is a privilege to assist as a parent as these children head for their future and undoubtedly the success that awaits them.” Bonnie Bauer, current parent “Preparing my three children for future success was about giving them a sound set of moral values, an awareness of our global community, a solid foundation and continued thirst for knowledge, a strong work ethic, and the ability to question, analyze and make decisions for themselves…Some of that happens at home, by parental example and involvement…But the choice of school was critical, since such a large part of a child’s waking day is spent there.” David Bush, alumni parent “We began reading to each of our three children at about 8 months of age and continued until they no longer wished to read with us but had such a love for it that they have all become voracious readers. Right along with that, we discuss current events in the local and world news and issues of morality at our family meals and evenings when we are all together, inviting their opinions and respecting them. We give them responsibilities in our household. We teach our children to do their own work and do it to the best of their ability for their own self-satisfaction, take responsibility, admit their own wrongdoings and apologize, suffer the consequences for their own actions, take educated risks, learn from their mistakes and move forward. A college education is always assumed in all conversations regarding future plans, not shoved down their throat and not as the ultimate goal. We talk, rather, about how they can contribute to society and the world.” |
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