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Editor's Blog

The prevailing value of EVERY mom No matter what our choices as people, women, mothers, I really don’t get why we can’t understand each other. By Susan Belknapp Published: February, 2010

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I received a letter last week to which I responded, by hitting Reply, but then I received a Mailer-Daemon notice (how does that happen when you’re replying to an original e-mail?). Anyway, apparently did not go through to the writer and for that I apologize. I tried. The letter was asking me why we are covering working moms for the May issue and why don’t we celebrate stay-at-home moms too? This is the response that never made it to the recipient (for reasons known only to the gods on Mt. Internet, I guess): Actually, last May it was Moms who work FROM the home, so in between. We cover moms in all their complex incarnations throughout the year. Our Moms Issue this year is focusing primarily on moms who work out of the home because these women face unique conflicts that moms who are at home and are even working from home do not face. We aspire to foster understanding about the demands and joys of all facets of motherhood and the lack of understanding between mothers about the complex choices of motherhood is something that, in my opinion, needs to end. In this past year, many people who had made the choice to stay at home found that they no longer had a choice and were forced to go back to work lest they lose their homes. I know many women who are the primary breadwinners in their family. This is a very real issue that deserves a voice. I remember this oft-contentious debate that was occurring prior to the economic collapse (“Good Morning America” did a week-long forum, with focus groups, etc.). It used to drive me nuts. Where is the support from the sisterhood? What is with this “us against them” divisiveness?  and why can’t moms support each other's deeply personal decisions made based upon wholly unique circumstances? (Note: I think this issue has abated much because in the past year and a half, the “choice” was removed from many families’ realities.) What occurred to me while writing the paragraph before last was that it is BECAUSE the issue is so fraught with guilt, dimension and conflict that it becomes contentious because we feel compelled to defend our own position, even when we’re not entirely accepting of it. I’ve taken many creative and professional risks in my life and because of that, I’ve often found myself kind of resenting those risks in a way. Maybe it’s because I raised the bar so high, I felt I had painted myself into a corner? Who knows? But I can say I know many, many, many working moms and a comparable number of stay-at-home moms and I don’t know of a single one who hasn’t struggled with her decision both at the time of the making and in the days, weeks and years that followed. Life is not easy. Being a mother certainly is not easy. We really should support each other in any way possible to alleviate the collective burden, shouldn’t we? PREVIOUS BLOGS: 2-19-10: I interrupt this blog ... 2-15-10: Calling all working moms and Shining Students 2-1-10: It's a new day 2-5-10: 'It Takes a Village' redux Follow me on twitter! @susebelk

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