EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Editors Note
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I have always wanted to write a book titled, "Mother Knows Best, But Father Knows Something." I've run that title past a few mothers, and it has never gone over particularly well. I believe the sequence is absolutely on point. We're way past the "Father Knows Best" era, if indeed it was ever like that, where Dad came home, opened the paper, and everyone held their breath until he spoke. Times have changed. And while Mom probably has ruled the roost longer than history says she has, no question she is the ruler today. How so? Women have emerged from the pre-'60s, non-work-outside-the-home era. Now time spins, rather than clicks away minute by minute. Because the world moves at such speed - if it's Tuesday, it's piano lessons, swim meets and Little League tryouts - the homefront needs an unquestioned leader. And dads, by history's measure, still need to prove that they are as good as moms at this life endeavor. Mom's ability to nurture skunks Dad's effort at being earnest. Besides, she knows the shoe sizes. But dads are trying to catch up, to be better than he-men by being more human, and they need help turning into complete parents. This sense of frustration - and moms, if you don't think it's out there then you are not paying attention - raises its head every night when Dad, feeling like a fifth wheel, walks in the door and sees that every family detail is on the calendar; sealed, delivered, non-negotiable. I missed "Oprah" the other day when she hosted Roland C. Warren, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. This was his second appearance, by popular demand, and he discussed how women can help their husbands be better fathers. Among his comments: "For too long, we haven't communicated the way we need to. It's not about fault...What it's really about is improving the quality of relationships, because the well-being of your children is intimately tied up with the quality of the relationship you have with each other." On remembering you're not only a mother, but a wife: "...Then the baby comes and the challenge for women becomes...being a wife and a mother. The challenge for women is that, once the baby comes, you start to look at your role as a wife through the lens of being a mother. The temptation is to mother your husband when that's not exactly what he married." Is he really your best friend? "If we think about and analyze how we treat our best friends and how we treat our spouses, I think we'd probably be a little concerned. If you want him to be your best friend, then you have to treat him like a best friend." He lists the three Ms of communication: "message, method, and messenger..." along with the three Rs of communication..."relax, relate, and release. The relax part is managing your emotions: your tongue, your temper, and your mood. The relate piece is seeking to understand before being understood. The release part is, once the conversation is done, it's done." In July, we'll run a cover story called The Dad's Issue. Lots of topics. In the meantime, stand with him, earnestly. |
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