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Early Years (2-6)

Back to work Merge your family with your 9-to-5 By Kimberly GomesPublished: May, 2009

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Today’s debate about working moms is less about whether or not mom should work, and more about how to make it work. Economic conditions have forced more mothers to return to their careers out of necessity, and the balancing act isn’t an easy thing to pull off. As you head out the door with a crying child who is clinging to your leg, a cloud of guilt emerges with a giant question mark: “How do I do both jobs well?”     In most cases the answer boils down to the wellbeing of the children. However, there are ways to make the transition from stay-at-home mom to working mom a little easier. The transition is really centered on your child. Regardless of age, insecurity can develop if parents fail to transition the child properly.     “Mothers need to set an example during this change,” says Dr. Francesca Balada, a clinical psychologist based in Orange County. “Children experience feelings of abandonment and fear ‘Mommy won’t come back.’” In order to counter these emotions, the child needs to receive positive affirmation from the mother.      “Kids can become insecure and clingy, and younger children may have difficulty separating,” says Dr. David Shapiro, a psychologist from Mission Viejo. “They can avoid sleeping in their own beds or going to daycare. This is why it’s important to set up a gradual and smooth transition.”     It’s critical for parents to provide their children with a stable foundation during this change. Mothers should make an extra effort to reinforce emotional ties in order to eliminate abandonment fears. According to Shapiro, if a disruption within the bond occurs, insecurity can develop, which may prevent the child from feeling confident enough to separate.     However, children aren’t the only ones who need special care during this transition. Today’s mom can feel overwhelmed when she adds a career to the mix of juggling children and household. As chaos builds, a mother’s wellbeing gets put on the back burner.     “During this time, emotions run high, and there is a change in sleep and eating patterns, which can be detrimental to the mother’s health,” says Balada.     Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Sharing domestic responsibilities with your mate eases your workload and strengthens the family dynamic between the father and the children. “I believe dads need to step up their involvement if moms are pressured with multiple roles,” says Shapiro.     Mothers may also feel guilty when returning to work. Striving to be the perfect mom can make women feel they are letting down their children when they go back to their careers. “This transition makes mother become vulnerable to other people’s perceptions,” says Shapiro.     In order to make it work, mothers must shed this guilt. “Stay calm and confident,” says Balada. “Remember what you love about your job and that it gives you strength and makes you feel better about yourself.”     Don’t forget that your hard work sets a positive example for your children. “For females, a working mother is a good role model to show there are no limitations on her future,” says Shapiro.     Make the most of your time with your children. There is some merit to the argument about quality time versus quantity time. Family bonding can help a working mother cope with the guilt of not being home with her children throughout the day. When you are together “… keep electronics off and maintain a consistent basis of connecting with your kids,” advises Shapiro.     Mothers must also set aside time for themselves. Taking on double duties can become a recipe for disaster. This tension and irritability can easily be taken out on the child. Allotting “me time” gives mothers a chance to relax and regroup after a long day of work. “Having personal time ensures you won’t be fried when it comes to quality family time,” says Shapiro. “It not only benefits the individual, it also benefits the children.” Strike a balance Tips for a smooth home-to-work transition > Set a routine – It’s important to keep a schedule to instill security in your child. > Never sneak out – To avoid drama, many moms sneak off when their child isn’t looking. Have direct communication and celebrate hellos and goodbyes. > Speak positively about your job – Moms should tell kids what they love about their jobs to build a positive attitude about work. > Have a transitional object – Use a small blanket or picture of Mommy and Daddy to form a symbolic link with your child when you’re away. > Stagger work schedules – Try to make it so one parent is home for quality time at certain times in the day. > Carefully select a care center – Make sure you have a stable, attentive caretaker. It’s beneficial if the person is able to form a long-term relationship with the child. Sources: Dr. Francesca Balada, Dr. David Shapiro Kimberly Gomes is an intern for OC Family magazine.

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