EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
Early Years (2-6)
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“If you don’t watch out, the Boogeyman is going to get you!” I remember when that common childhood threat used to frighten me – then thrill me – then grant me power when I deployed it myself. Such is the range of a child’s relationship to the boogeyman and other common monsters of youth. We begin in fear, move toward fun and graduate to power. It wasn’t that long ago when Halloween frightened my son. Now, at 5, he has planned every costume for the next four years: Spider-Man, vampire, ghost and mummy. Far from being frightened, he revels in the mask and the mock threat. And yet, sometimes the play goes too far, feels too real and the staunch superhero who moments earlier leaped from the couch turns into what he really is: a 5-year-old who can just as easily scare himself and still be scared. The play becomes all too real. Young children are especially susceptible to the specter of boogeymen, ghosts, monsters and other threatening personifications, lurking in the dark, under the bed, in the closet, behind the drapery, in the attic, in the basement and down the dark hallway that strangely grows darker and longer at nighttime. What might be elements of play during the day – curtains, blankets, flashlight and hollering “boo” – can become terrifying gestalt once the sun sets. The relationship between day and night can make dealing with nightmares and other dreamtime phenomena challenging. Can daytime play inspire nightmares and other fears? Sure, though it’s not the only cause. Recent changes, developmental spurts or distress in the child’s waking life can inspire nighttime disturbances and the emergence of fears. These elements can be further exaggerated by exposure to media that feed those fears. Movies and plays and even bedtime stories can give the monsters shape and the scenarios increased power. Add a child with a vivid imagination and, well, there you are, running down the hall to their bedroom. Our son woke up last night, crying his way out of a bad dream in which, he told me, the ocean was on fire and coming to get him. “Were mommy and daddy with you in the dream?” I asked. “No,” he said, “I was all alone. That’s what made it so scary.” “Well,” I said, “you are not alone now. And the ocean is not on fire.” I did what the experts suggest. I reassured him. I reconstructed the world and put out the fire. I reminded him that he was not alone – though at night, when you’re young and dreaming on your own, you can feel more alone than you are. And since it’s all new to you, there’s no assurance of how things will end. The approach for dealing with this issue is fairly straightforward. Offer comfort. Offer logic. Create a sleeping environment that discourages such fears (night light, closed closet doors, open bedroom door, sleeping toy, etc.). Monitor exposure to media that may not be appropriate for the child’s emotional and intellectual development. Use the daytime hours to reflect on the nighttime terrors. Resist the urge to threaten the Boogeyman. Be patient and respectful: The dreams aren’t real, but they feel real and to a 2-year-old or a 5-year-old, feeling is real. A few children have recurring problems, which may result in a chronic loss of sleep, and in those cases, parents are advised to seek out medical attention. As usual, we’ve found books to be helpful. Not the ones written for parents, but the host of those written for children. Your library or local children’s bookstore are good resources. Our favorite is Russell Hoban’s classic, “Bedtime for Frances,” featuring a British family of three badgers: mother, father and a sleepless and fearful Frances. It’s 7 o’clock and time for Frances to go to bed. At first she delays, asking for milk and toys and a kiss. Then, her stalling tactics turn to imagined fears: “There’s a tiger in her room,” she tells her parents. “There’s a giant, a spider, something thumping and bumping on the window…” They are patient with her and model impressive critical thinking skills for badgers, addressing her concerns and leading her to the only answer there is: no tiger, no giant, no spiders, nothing to fear. The giant is, after all, really only a bathrobe flung over a chair. The noise at the window? A moth. Finally, the nighttime fears are vanquished by the best weapons – parental love and logic. Frances falls asleep, having worked the final fear out all by herself. One cautionary note: At the end, Frances’ father threatens a spanking, which was probably more popular in the early ’60s than now. But parents who eschew that kind of threat can do what we do: Edit accordingly. No need to frighten the child with corporal punishment on top of everything else spooky out there. Regular contributor Lisa Alvarez is an English teacher at Irvine Valley College. |
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