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Early Years (2-6)
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 Baby sister is growing up … uh-oh! One morning, I cheerfully announced to my 3-year-old daughter, Megan, that it was her sister Grace's first birthday. She stopped and asked, with all seriousness, "Does that mean she'll stop pulling hair?" I remember hearing a lot of advice about preparing Megan for the birth of her baby sister: Set aside one-on-one time with her. Enlist her as my mommy's helper, to fetch diapers or feed the baby a bottle. Remind her of the special things that make her a big girl, that she can run and play, eat pizza and go to preschool – all things the baby can't do. But what I didn't hear as much about was the time when the trouble kicked in. That was when baby Grace suddenly became mobile. Soon, Megan was running to her room to slam the door shut before her sister got inside. She started screaming out, "She's messing everything up!" when Grace grabbed her train or knocked over her blocks. Grace grabs at her clothes, and, yes, tries to pull her hair. From asking other moms, and from a lot of trial and error, we have been doing our best to promote family harmony. What are some tricks to alleviate sibling rivalry and help your bigger kids adjust when a baby becomes mobile? • Reward good behavior. When we see Megan playing patiently, giving a toy to her sister or reacting calmly if Grace knocks down her toy fort, we heap on the praise. We also clap for Grace when she holds out a toy to share with one of us. • Don't always side with the baby. We never allow pushing or shoving. But that doesn't give the baby the right to grab a toy out of her older sister's hand, just as her older sister can't do that either. We gently tell the baby that grabbing or pulling hair is a no-no, which teaches her right from wrong while also appeasing her older sister's sense of justice. • Help older siblings carve out a space of their own. Megan has a little sanctuary. It is called the dining room table. There she can do puzzles or draw – all safely out of Grace's reach. Megan knows if she has something she doesn't want Grace to get, she should put it up on the dining room table. • Don't tolerate hitting or yelling at a crying baby. But give them a little space to work it out. Sisters are sisters for life. Since they'll be living together for at least 15 more years, they will need to learn how to work out their problems without mom always intervening. All on her own, Megan is perfecting her new "toy swap trick" to get Grace to share something. She just finds a new toy Grace will like, sweetly says "Here you go" as she hands it to her, and then waits for the baby to drop the other toy. • When all else fails, just hang in there. That's what my friends tell me. Sibling rivalry is something that just comes with the territory, and some days are better than others. Before I know it, they tell me, our baby Grace will grow up into the playmate Megan has been waiting for, and they will disappear for hours entertaining themselves with make-believe play. If, and when, that day comes, I'll be thrilled. Kelly St. John Regier is a freelance contributor to OC Family magazine. 10 Lunchbox Surprises • Use a cookie-cutter to turn a boring sandwich into a treat. Hearts, stars and teddy bears are great shapes to try. Send along a thermos of warm chicken noodle soup or macaroni and cheese. • Write a silly riddle on a napkin inside, like “Why did the chewing gum cross the road?” “It was stuck to the leg of the chicken.” • If your child isn’t a reader yet, draw a cute picture on the napkin instead. • Mix it up! Substitute a wrap for a sandwich, or a cup of fruit salad instead of just an apple. • Use a black marker to draw a face on a banana. • Let ‘em dip! Pack some veggie sticks with a container of hummus, or fruit with low-fat yogurt. • Slip in a sheet of your child’s favorite stickers. • Pack a tortilla and separate containers of meat, cheese and lettuce so he can build his own soft taco. • Make pasta salad with fun shapes like wagon wheels or ABC’s. Taming the Tattletale Tattling is all too common among families with young ones. Yet teaching youngsters to discern when and when not to tell can be complicated and confusing. The biggest reason children tattle is due to a developmental stage called rule-governed behavior, says family psychologist Carl Chenkin. “Around age 5, children begin to understand that there are rules to be followed, but they don’t have the capacity to distinguish between major and minor rule-breaking. So every broken rule is often brought to an adult’s attention.” Experts agree tattling should be downplayed, but not dismissed. “Listen and acknowledge your child’s feelings. But once you know what he’s saying, ask, ‘Is someone going to get hurt? Is anyone crying?’ If the answer is no, tell your child you don’t need to hear anything else. In this way, he will begin to understand good and bad judgment calls,” says clinical psychologist W. Douglas Tynan. Polishing problem-solving skills helps, too. Rather than rescue your tattling child, redirect him on what he can do to effect change. Most important, don’t scold or punish your child for tattling, as this may cut off communication. Minimize your response and it may subside. If it doesn’t, be patient. Most kids outgrow tattling with time. Tattling Books • “Armadillo Tattletale,” by Helen Ketteman and Keith Graves • “A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue,” by Julia Cook and Anita DuFalla • “Don’t Squeal Unless It’s a Big Deal,” by Jeanie Franz Ransom and Jackie Urbanovic • “Rainbow Fish: Tattle Tale,” by Sonia Sander • “The Tattle Tail Tale,” by Tandy Braid Denise Yearian is a freelance writer. |
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