Best friends forever
But what happens if one moves away?

When we returned from vacation, Gabe’s cubby was empty, his photo was gone – and so was Gabe. It wasn’t the first time a friend moved away, I reminded my son. His eyes widened and his mouth trembled, a sign that tears were on the way.
   
Adults in an increasingly mobile society know that families move – more than ever in human history, as the experts tell us. But our children are not experts. The friendships that develop from intense, play-filled days are powerful in ways that humble the parent standing by the empty cubby.

Is it possible or desirable to preserve these strong childhood friendships – or is this loss a part of growing up? Today, older children can maintain contact with friends via technology, but young ones are dependent on parents. Experts, such as Dr. Terry Brazelton, suggest that parents need to recognize that children’s friendships are especially intense, and when friends move on – either to other towns or even other friends – the children left behind can be devastated. As parents, we need to take such situations seriously.

In his classic book, “Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development,” Dr. Brazelton advises preparing the child in advance about the impending move and loss of friends. He recommends having a going-away party and instigating, if possible, a visit to the friends after the move is completed.
   
He reminds parents to help their children develop new friends, perhaps helping to choose one or two likely candidates and
cultivating the new relationships by taking the children out together once a week or so until the friendship takes root. He reminds us, “A new child can enter an already closed group only through another child.”
   
My son still asks about Gabe. We let him talk and tell stories. As Dr. Brazelton advises, we bring out photos. Our son is learning that part of friendship is change, but what makes it meaningful is not what we lose, but what we gained together when we first made those memories, wherever we were.


Orange County’s 10 best playgrounds

1. Bluebird Park
798 Blue Bird Canyon Drive, Laguna Beach

2. Castle Park
4351 Bryan Ave., Irvine

3. Creekside Park
25743 Stonehill Drive, Dana Point

4. Dinosaur Park
25555 Alicia Pkwy., Laguna Hills

5. Founders Park
777 Skyler Way, Brea

6. Fullerton Sports Complex
560 E. Silver Pine St., Fullerton

7. Hurless Barton Park
4601 Casa Loma Ave., Yorba Linda

8. Irvine Terrace Park
721 Evita Drive, Newport Beach

9. North Beach Park
1/4 mile off Avenue Calafia and I-5, San Clemente

10. Tewinkle Park
980 Arlington Drive, Costa Mesa

Source: Voted on by local MOMS Clubs


Scared of the dark
 Just when you think that your child is never going to develop the common fears that others have, one pops up. Our son is now officially scared of the dark. He once moved in the night as sure-footed as our cat, but no more.           

Luckily I still have my copy of “The Discipline Book” on the shelf. The authors, the venerable duo of Dr. William Sears and his wife and registered nurse, Martha, advise that assisting children with their fears “not only eases their anxieties, it also provides an opportunity to build the parent-child relationship.”
   
Like our son, their child, Matthew, developed his fear of the dark later than others. Their advice? The most important thing is to not “give your child the message that it’s wrong to be scared. To a growing child, this translates into ‘something’s wrong with me.’”
   
Avoid put-downs because, as they suggest, this will teach the child to be afraid of seeking help or communicating. You don’t want that. So, the Sears tell us to take our children’s fears very seriously, respect them and help them understand. In other words, don’t be afraid to use reason, and be loving.


Summer school?
In the fall, many children will return to school, while others face first-time kindergarten or the prospect of preschool. Summer, then, is an opportunity to prepare for the future.
   
Certainly, some parents will opt for classes and day camps for their young ones. Did your kindergartner end the year with little advancement in reading? Is your little one showing interest in the natural world? Do you want your toddler to learn to swim by summer’s end? There are programs out there that can help; they’re offered at either private institutes or, if you’re on a budget, through your local Parks and Recreation Department.
   
Libraries and independent bookstores offer weekly storytimes that strengthen basic classroom skills, such as listening and talking in turn. Such programs often offer on-site crafts or a reading challenge. While classes and day camps require pre-registration and fees, such storytimes are traditionally held on a drop-in basis and are free.