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During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Early Years
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The ancient Babylonians gave us a lot: mathematics (you can blame them for geometry. I do.); legal concepts (remember Hammurabi’s Code? You know, an eye for an eye ouch!); and more, including pesky New Year’s resolutions, foolhardy pledges of unlikely moral and physical ambition we utter as the planet embarks on another journey around the sun, noticing us not a bit. Yet, for new or fairly new parents, celebrating the New Year is an opportunity to establish, strengthen or renew a potentially valuable family tradition. For young children, celebrating this tradition begins to introduce the concept of time past, present, future and how we mark it when we’re not just waiting until 11:59 p.m., Dec 31. New Year’s resolutions are about reflection and commitment, or re-commitment, to action. They offer an opportunity for children and parents to take stock and make plans, to make choices, to change, often emphasizing self-improvement, virtue, generosity, compassion. Relevant resolutions can guide a family that is helping each other grow. Since children are in the process of developing self-control, resolutions might reflect what’s possible, and what is not. Resolving to go to an Ivy League school might be a bit premature. But resolving to learn to count or read or sing, well, a year later a child could look back and congratulate herself. Which is to say that the best resolutions aren’t about ambitious wish fulfillment but realistic goals. For the 2-year-old: Of course, any resolutions made for or by this age group are really pledges added to the parents’ own crowded lists. At 2, the toddler is just beginning to learn self-control and direction. To what goals might he aspire? The next year will bring many challenges: emotional expression, language development, increased social interaction. Listening, mostly, and talking. Perhaps the best resolution here is the most general one: I will use my words. That is, I will communicate my needs, my wishes. And perhaps, I will learn to use the voice volume control as well. Our own 2-year-old babbling Babylonian tends to embrace extremes, either a shriek or whisper. He’s learning how to use that little dial that modulates the two. And for the parent of the 2-year-old, the biggest resolution is the most obvious: Resolve to be patient. For the 3-year-old: A friend warns that a 3-year-old is just a 2-year-old with more brains and physical power. An impressive and formidable combination of impulse, energy and force designed to make any parent resolve to, well, reinvoke last year’s pledge to be patient. A resolution-making child might be encouraged to focus on skills related to increased social development: sharing and corresponding language cues. My husband’s parents called these the “magic words.” “Please. Thank you. I’m sorry. You’re welcome” will make any child welcome among Babylonians, Libertarians, vegetarians or anyone else. For the 4-year-old: Taking turns. Patience. Just watch how quickly one child’s interest in an otherwise uninteresting tricycle develops when another kid jumps on it. It’s hard to learn about time when somebody’s using the toy you want, right now. Try: “I can watch. I can share. I can wait.” For the 5-year-old: For this age, kindergarten looms as a milestone, even for those who have already made their debut in preschool. The 5-year-old can resolve to challenge herself physically, intellectually and emotionally as her school day will require just that. She can concentrate on trust issues, teamwork, and those first homework assignments. For the 6-year-old: Six-year-olds can take on manageable pledges that support their developing autonomy: responsible self-discipline at home and at school (homework goals, daily and weekly chores, etc.), but they can also choose to pursue their own endeavors: music, athletics, art. Resolutions are goals, and if children are anything like their grown-up counterparts, those resolutions will be shattered, and soon enough. But the breaking shouldn’t stop the striving. More than becoming a scolding finger-wagger or some kind of Hammurabi-like enforcer, you can best influence them by your own behavior. Continue to strive to be a good role model yourself. Model effective conflict resolution strategies. Watch your temper, your language. Adopt a healthy diet that avoids poor food choices. Be a physically and mentally active parent: Turn off the TV and get off the couch. Resolve to be the parent you wish you were 365 days a year. And yes, when you fail as you will let them see you and discuss it with your child. And begin again. Reaching big goals start with baby steps, for adults as well as children. Lisa Alvarez, an English professor at Irvine Valley College, lives in Modjeska Canyon with her husband and 2-year-old son. |
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