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During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Early Years
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After 3-year-old Lauren had been quiet in her room for just a few minutes, she confidently returned to the family room and announced to her mother that she had taken a nap and it was now time to play. "I knew she hadn't taken a nap, and she knew it, too. But when I asked her if she was sure, she looked me straight in the eye and told me again that she had," says her mother, Jennifer Collins, of Sacramento. Frustrated and disappointed, she escorted her daughter back to her room for another attempt at napping, and she wondered if this "little white lie" was just a passing phase, or the beginning of something big. Collins, like many other mothers of preschoolers, is not alone in her discovery that her child is developing the cognitive abilities to "reshape" the truth. But at 3 years of age, a simple lie about a nonexistent nap is probably more acurately described as wishful thinking. "Three-year-olds don't always have the same definition of things that parents have," says Dr. Elizabeth Berger, author of "Raising Children With Character," (Jason Aronson Inc., 1999). "They may think, 'I closed my eyes, I lost track of time, and now I feel refreshed - therefore I must have had a nap.'" However, according to Linda Levine, an associate professor of psychology and social behavior at UC Irvine, children certainly know when they are telling a lie by age 4. "Between the ages of 3 and 4, children begin to understand what is the case, and how to lead another person to think something that isn't the case," she says. In cognitive development research this set of skills is known as "theory of mind." Luckily, during the preschool years lying is easily detected by parents and others. You can see the cookie crumbs at the corners of their mouth despite their claims that they didn't eat the last cookie, or they will deny drawing on the walls even though the crayons are still in their hands. In most cases, the motivation for lying is to simply avoid punishment, but children may also lie for other reasons, such as trying not to hurt another's feelings, or even to impress their peers. (In fact, many adults still tell little white lies for those latter two reasons.) So even though it's not unusual for a young child to test a parent or others with a fib, the big question is, what is the best way to deal with it? When you first notice your child telling a lie, start talking about the difference between truth and lies, suggests child development researcher Victoria Talwar of the USC Law School. Don't just tell them it's good to be honest and leave it at that, but take the extra step to reinforce good behavior with praise. Likewise, if a child tells a lie to cover up a misdeed, like taking something that wasn't theirs and breaking it, don't just punish them for the lie, address the issue of stealing as well. When punishment comes down only for the lie, children begin to think that they simply need to become better liars, and many children have the ability to do so as early as 7 or 8, says Talwar. Since not all lies are the result of a child doing something bad, however, try to pinpoint the motivation for lying before getting overly upset about the lie. Take my 4 1/2-year-old son, Christopher. He makes up bigger and bigger stories each time he comes home empty-handed from a fishing trip with his dad. Even though these are not hurtful lies, it concerns me that it seems to get easier for him to stretch the truth each time. In a situation like this, Berger advises parents not to go along with something that they know is untrue. A comment like, "Oh that's hard to believe," doesn't humiliate the child, but at the same time lets them know you're on to them. She advises that when you hear a young child bragging to a peer, it's not a good idea to intervene. "Parents don't need to be on a campaign to extinguish every little fib; it's human nature to brag, and groups of children tend to regulate themselves. Kids don't always fall for each other's tall tales." In most cases, telling a few little white lies is a normal stage of child development. However, if a child lies continually, or always injects malice into their lies, you may want to seek a professional opinion. I don't know. I'd like to think that Christopher's fishing stories may be an attempt to spare his dad's feelings, or assure him that it was a fun trip even if it was unsuccessful. But then again, every guy I know has a story about the "one that got away." Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of three living in Folsom. She is a regular contributor to The Early Years and Getting Started. To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. Getting Started By Michele Piazzoni • Are you asking your pediatrician for antibiotics when your child has a cold or the flu? In years past, this was a common request from parents, even though antibiotics are not effective against viruses. However, parents finally seem to be getting the message, according to a recent survey published in Pediatrics Magazine. Between 1996 and 2000, researchers from Harvard Medical School and other institutions reviewed medical claims of more than 200,000 children and discovered significant reductions in antibiotic prescriptions - as much as 39 percent. The Centers for Disease Control and the Federal Drug Administration are other public health agencies that hope even more parents will get the message this fall when they roll out a new public awareness campaign urging parents to be cautious about using antibiotics. Why all the fuss? The overuse of antibiotics can lead to new resistant strains of bacteria that are more difficult and costly to treat. • Those of you who have older children may remember the short-lived law that reduced insurance coverage for a new mother's hospital stay after giving birth to just 24 hours. Even now that it has been increased to 48 hours after delivery, (more for Caesarean delivery,) experts still say that a longer stay could improve neonatal outcomes during the first year. Researchers say that an average of just 15 more hours in the hospital could lesson the chance of re-hospitalization within 28 days and give doctors more time to recognize life-threatening problems like congenital heart conditions or infections. In a study including more than 100,000 infants born in Washington state, researchers found that the increased stay reduced the probability of neonatal death by more than 35 percent. • Recent study results published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology link food allergies and Caesarean delivery, especially among children of mothers with allergies. Researchers obtained data on nearly 3,000 children to study the occurrence of egg, fish and nut allergies. Among their results, egg allergies were four times greater among Caesarean children. The specific reason for the link is unclear, although experts believe it has something to do with the effect of the Caesarean on a newborn's intestine. |
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