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Early Years
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Emotions run high during any pregnancy, but sometimes they can be especially charged when you've decided it's the last one planned for your family. For me it was a mixed bag of highs and lows - part anticipation about the coming baby, part excitement about "completing" our family just as we'd planned, and part sadness about moving on to a new stage in my life. We decided to leave the baby zone after No. 3. Actually, we made the decision years before our third baby was born, so I had plenty of time to prepare. And frankly, after three children I was ready. But it did make me stop and think twice about a few things as we were preparing for little Jack's arrival. With our first two we didn't know their sex beforehand, but that didn't seem practical this time. Since we already had a boy and a girl, and I'd saved just about everything from each one, it was time to weed out the things I knew we wouldn't need. As I went through the little girl items, I could clearly remember the specific events at which my daughter had worn particular outfits: coming home from the hospital, first photo, first Christmas, first birthday. They seemed to have happened just yesterday, not more than five years ago. It was hard to select the few pieces I wanted to hold onto. When I went through my son's things to see which might be usable for the new baby, I had the same revelation. Where did the time go? Yes, it wasn't until my third pregnancy that I truly discovered what the enduring, even heartbreaking, phrase "they grow so quickly" really means. Looking back, I thought about how many times I said to myself, "I can't wait until he's sleeping through the night," or "she's eating solid foods," or probably most often, "until they're potty-trained." With the exception of the sleeping thing (at 9 months we're still having problems), I'm trying not to rush any of these milestones with Jack, because I know this time, when it's over, it's over. Of course, preparing for our final addition wasn't always melancholy. Knowing that the family we'd always hoped for was about to become complete gave me a new sense of what our future might hold. Suddenly we didn't need to be tentative about any long-range plans, because we knew realistically what our timetable would be for things like vacations, job opportunities, a move or whatever. And it was a time of excitement for our whole family, not just me and my husband, because the children were old enough to understand that a baby was coming. In fact, talking about the baby was a conversation to which the kids were always open. One other admission about preparing for that last baby was the feeling of freedom. This was a new discovery. Obviously, there would be few moments alone in the months to come with a newborn at my side. But for the first time in years, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I would feel a little guilty about all these different feelings going through my mind, but according to experts, it's not unusual. Making a significant decision, such as planning for your last baby, can evoke a variety of emotions, from newfound freedom to a sense of mourning, says Dr. Robin Bullette, a professor of psychology at Alliant International University in Irvine. "If you're getting ready for such a decision in your family, it's important to start by acknowledging that any decision is bound to raise a myriad of strong emotions," she says. "Hopefully, a couple will come to an agreement. But the most important thing to remember is to keep open lines of communication." Now that we have what we consider our "perfect" family, we're having a great time with the new baby. It's hard to imagine what life was like before he got here, and for now we're just enjoying one day at a time, because we know how fast they really grow. Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of three living in Folsom. She is a regular contributor to The Early Years and, in the Family News section, Getting Started...To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. |
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