EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Early Years
|
||||
|
For his first 4 days of life, my baby's bed was that see-through contraption on wheels in the hospital that my husband called "baby Tupperware." I confess really wanting to take it home. It was so well-designed - stocked with diapers, ointments and blankets, outfitted with wheels and best of all, a mother reclining in bed could actually "see" her infant. He was then a tiny, flannel, burrito-shaped creature. Once home, our little one was tenderly put to bed in the bentwood family cradle that had cradled his great-grandfather, his grandfather and his own father, and had been most lovingly restored by that same grandfather. True, our early postnatal circumstances were a little different than most folks. We resided at the time in a cozy 1-bedroom trailer and the baby slept (if you can call those hour-long naps sleeping!) in his cradle adjacent mama's side of the bed. Now, mama was not only a first-time nursing mother, but herself nursing a fresh Cesarean incision. She soon found the up and down, the bending over and straightening up, even with dad's help, to be exhausting. We soon opted to share our bed, not very big to begin with, with our baby. Mama needed sleep and her body needed rest. Baby needed mama. Dada needed, well, dada needed mama and baby to be wherever was best. Welcome to what's called the family bed or, in some circles, co-sleeping. We called it inevitable. My husband and I had heard all the horror stories. There are plenty. We'd worried about the loss of intimacy, of privacy, worried that we were setting our son up for failure, that at 16 he'd still be snuggling next to us. But we'd also done research, talked to our doctor, talked to friends. Like so much of our parenting, we made an informed, deliberate decision. For our baby. For us. For those new parents, there are vital precautions to take regarding mattress firmness and placement, bedding and pillows. Now, parents measure the width of crib bars, check the firmness of crib mattresses and remove the dangerous ties from bumper pads. So, co-sleeping parents must - should - babyproof (exactly the wrong phrase, finally) their bed and themselves. Indeed, parents will find that they must change their own habits in order to ensure maximum safety for the baby. Parents who are heavy sleepers, heavy drinkers or have certain health issues should not share their bed with their child. The heirloom crib was perfect for naps and occasional nighttime sojourns, but our big boy outgrew it, and fast. Within months, it seemed, he outgrew our full-size bed too, or perhaps I should say, he took it over, annexing whole territories as his. The time arrived to consider other options. We removed the nifty gate on the fine Italian crib purchased by his other grandfather, transforming it into a kind of sleep sidecar to our big bed. Now baby had his own sleeping area and we had our bed back - sort of. As a parent, you don't really own your bed anymore. Even friends who'd never shared their beds with their babies ("What?" says one. "It was enough that I shared my body for 9 months!") concede that kids, especially once they are mobile, often "end up" in bed with their parents anyway, running from nightmares perhaps or simply searching, in the night, for the people who love them most. Some parents lead their children right back to their beds, soothing them to sleep. Others opt to spend the night with their child, squeezing themselves into their child's bed. One friend with "an open door policy" describes the scene she awoke to one morning: her snoozing husband beside her, one dreamy 2-year-old next to him, a 7-year-old snuggled next to her, the dog at the foot of the bed and the cat at the head. This is my life, she thought, exhausted but oddly exhilarated, all right here. Is this kind of connection a bad thing? Dangerous? Inappropriate? Should it be discouraged? Certainly, creeping into the parents' bed at 4 years is one thing and, say, 12 years is another. But what about toddlers? What about that night-wandering 4-year old? Certainly our culture doesn't encourage bedsharing as much as do others, but studies suggest that bed-sharing is more prevalent than most suspect or acknowledge. Still, parents who share their beds with their children may worry that they are limiting their child's developing autonomy. Those who encourage independence might be concerned about the child's sense of security. Noted pediatrician Dr. Terry Brazleton suggests monitoring the child's daytime behavior, especially progress toward becoming self-reliant as a way of judging nighttime needs. He also points out that parents need to make sure that their relationship is being nurtured as well. Like so much of parenting, the decisions we make depend on who we, as parents are, but also depend very much on who our particular child is. One child's needs may not be another's. When we recently moved to our new home, our little guy got his own room. He inherited our old full-size bed, an economical and sweetly poetic legacy. Mama and dada now have a room of their own with a new bed, a so-called California king-size - big enough for all of us. Lisa Alvarez, an English professor at Irvine Valley College, lives in Modjeska Canyon with her husband and 2-year-old son, Louis. |
||||
RSS Subscribe
Digg This ArticleSEARCH THE SITE
