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Two summers ago, when my son Christopher was about 2 1/2 years old, I left him in "play care" at the gym while I took an aerobics class. When I returned, I was shocked to find him, and all the other little boys in the room, armed with pink, blue and yellow mega block "guns." These weren't just simple 3-piece models, they were big. They were shaped more like automatic machine guns than simple pistols, and they had clearly been built by the oldest boy in the room. "Do you really think this is appropriate for 2-year-olds?" I snapped at the grandmotherly attendant. She shrugged and uttered the familiar adage, "Boys will be boys." At the time I was certain it was that specific event that spurred my son's interest in playing with toy guns, and I was sad to see him grasp such a "big boy" play theme with such vigor. But the truth is, I knew that it was going to happen eventually. Throughout history, in most cultures across the globe, little boys, (and sometimes even little girls) go through a stage of playing with make-believe weapons. In our lifetimes, we've all witnessed kids "shooting" each other with everything from Legos to plastic animals to their own little fingers. I've even watched my own son carefully chew away at a peanut butter and jelly sandwich until it resembled that familiar L-shape. At first I was embarrassed by his newfound fascination. I would try to distract him, show him other toys, put a video on, anything to get his mind off guns. My husband was far less stressed about the situation. He thought the "toy gun" stage was normal. After all, he did it as a child, too. But then again, when we were growing up there weren't reports of children bringing real guns to school and shooting their peers. Today such events have forced many parents to think twice about letting their children play with toy guns. I've known many a mom who's avoided all toys that resemble weapons and banned children's shows that depict violence. But it only seems to delay the inevitable. Beginning at around age 4, as the imaginations of little boys blossom, there's a natural attraction to toy weapons, especially guns. As parents, we wonder if an early fascination with toy guns may someday stimulate an attraction to the real thing, or worse yet, violent behavior. But according to Dr. Joan Kinlan, a psychiatrist in Washington, D.C. and spokeswoman for the American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, there's absolutely no proof that little kids who use toy guns turn out to be the teenagers who grow up to hurt others. Typically during the preschool years, boys are drawn to toy guns, Nerf swords and other weapon-like toys primarily because they offer an amusing source of fantasy play. "It gives young boys a sense of power and assertiveness," says Dr. Kinlan. "It's sport, and it's interactive when one child 'shoots' another, but then gets up 2 seconds later and starts running around again. "The intent with toy guns is never to hurt someone, they just want something that can magically do something and give them power over someone else," she says. "Children 6 and under do not understand the concept of death; to them there's no such thing as permanent death." Although Kinlan strongly opposes the idea of having real guns in any household, she says super soakers and other simple toy guns (not BB guns or air rifles) give children the opportunity to express normal feelings of competition and aggression. Children who are not allowed to play with toy guns will likely search out other items that represent guns, or look to toy soldiers, action figures or other toys that have weapon components. As children grow older, and definitely by their preteens, the fascination of toy guns should be long gone as the challenge of a game of cops and robbers is replaced by more sophisticated board games and other competitive sports. In his book, "Killing Monsters, Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes and Make-Believe Violence" (Basic Books, 2002), author and father Gerard Jones, likens toy guns to the magic wands little girls are drawn to. Both help children feel strong and have the power to zap foes, protect from evil forces and bestow desired qualities or characteristics. He argues that young children should be allowed to play with such toys without feeling guilty or worried about their parents' approval. He suggests that as adults we know enough to be afraid of guns, yet we shouldn't burden our children with our anxieties. Pretending to be Marshall Dillon, or these days a Power Ranger, has its place in childhood, and eventually, when the next-best-thing comes along, the toy gun will be lost in the back of the closet along with all the other toys. Dr. Hans Steiner, a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, takes a much more conservative approach about letting children play with toy guns. "It's a double-edged sword," he says. "Yes, it's only fantasy play, but on the other hand, parents should be careful to guide children in the right direction with their play." He suggests that when parents recognize a child's interest in toy guns, that they take the opportunity to discuss in simple terms how dangerous real guns can be. Handling the issue of toy guns in your child's environment is a personal issue. In our household, I've decided that it's OK when Christopher wants to save the world with his silver light-up plastic gun. He has fun pretending, it seems to be a good way to use up all that excess energy, and interestingly enough, I find that he and his friends squabble more during a game of Candyland, than they do over a Power Rangers re-enactment where they all get to be "good guys." After all, I know it won't be long before he's too old for imaginary games where the heroes always win and nobody ever really gets hurt. Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of three living in Folsom. She is a regular contributor to The Early Years and Getting Started. To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. |
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