EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Early Years
|
||||
|
Just 18 months separate our 2 oldest children; there hasn't been much time in their lives to be apart. My husband and I thought the brief age gap would be beneficial. The children would have a built-in buddy. But as I now know, surpassing the sibling bond and actually becoming friends is not a natural progression in every family. Building friendships between siblings takes effort from both children and parents. Personalities, interests, gender and talent can vary greatly among children from the same family. In fact, sometimes it may seem like the only thing siblings have in common is their parents. However, these differences are just one of the keys parents can use to actually bridge relationships between their children and create a friendship foundation. My 6 1/2-year-old daughter believes that any brother and sister can be friends if they just "give each other lots of hugs and kisses," but my 5-year-old son, who is going through the "nothing-to-do-with-girls" stage disagrees. For some more practical advice on the matter, we asked 2 local experts. Be a role model Children, especially during the younger years, learn much through imitation, so if you want siblings to be friends with each other, show them how to do it through your own relationships. Let them witness the friendship within your marriage, or between you and your own siblings. Modeling respect, concern, understanding and other characteristics necessary for a friendship to blossom gives them a clear example to follow, says Jim Anderson, a marriage and family therapist in Irvine. In addition to providing them with firsthand examples of friendship, he advises parents to look for books, movies and other mediums that relay positive messages about sibling friendships. Examples include "The Bernstein Bears," "The Hardy Boys," "The Little House on the Prairie" series, and "Harry Potter," which depicts friendly relationships among the Weasly siblings. Cherish individuality One of worst things a parent can do (and one of the easiest) is to make comparisons. "Your sister does this every time without having to be asked twice," is an example of a remark that can easily slip from a parent's lips and land like a lead balloon on a young child. Comparisons can lead to jealousy and low self-esteem and they pave the road toward intense competition. Surprisingly, children as young as 2 years old can be acutely aware of competing factors if that is a focus within a family. "Rather than make a comparison, look for ways to identify, praise and reinforce the special aptitudes of each child to diminish competition," suggests Michael Griffin, a licensed clinical social worker at The Center for Family and Child Counseling in Laguna Niguel. Encourage cooperation It can be hard for an older sibling to have a younger brother or sister hanging around all the time, and even more difficult when they're constantly being told to "cooperate." But if you really want your children to get along together, you need to phrase your request so that they know exactly what you expect, and break it down to something really simple, says Griffin. For example, "Can you read to your younger brother?" or, "Can you help your sister pick up the toys?" If you're not getting a high level of response, ask your child to come up with an own idea of how to make it work. If it comes from a child, says Griffin, it's more likely to happen. "A lot of times kids will respond to a personal appeal, and it works when nothing else will," says Griffin. A new kind of "time out" Another way to promote the confidence and security of any child with siblings is to schedule special time together on an individual basis. "It's not so much the amount of time that you spend with each child," explains Griffin, "but the fact that it happens on a regular basis." The few minutes spent together, whether it's pitching baseballs, playing a board game, or sharing a smoothie, go a long way toward solidifying individual relationships between child and parent, which makes it easier for them to focus on relationships with other. Be realistic Children are growing and changing constantly. One day they might seem to have so much in common, and then suddenly the older one might not want to be seen with his younger shadow. Ask yourself what you're really expecting and make sure it's realistic, says Griffin. Can you really expect kids to be best buddies all the time, or are you happy to see them simply helping each other as necessary? It may be easier for your children to be friends when they're young before adolescence changes their perspective. At 6 1/2 and 5, my children have discovered (between squabbles) that being friendly can have its benefits. The older one already considers her brother a friend, but Chris voiced his opinion that sisters are only sisters and nothing more. After seeing the hurt look in his sister's eyes, I am hopeful that he will soon understand otherwise, and they'll discover that they each have a friend for life. Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of 3 living in Folsom. To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. For Letters, please go to: ocfamily.com. RECALL ALERT Baby Trend Inc.'s Passport strollers with model No. 1514 and SKN No. 190554 are being recalled due to reports that the fold joint can unexpectedly collapse. Check the lower frame of your stroller behind the seat and contact Baby Trend at 800.326.7363 for more information. "Dinosaurs, Emergency!," "Kitty's Adventure," "On The Road," "Puppy's Busy Day," "Tractors, Trains and Trucks" are all titles being recalled by DK Publishing Inc. These books have a sound maker mounted inside a plastic covering on the last page which, if removed, can pose a choking hazard. Contact DK Publishing at 800.505.4726 for a replacement or refund. Vinyl Mirror Books titled "Baby's Fun Book," "Baby's Photo Album," "Picture This Vinyl Book," and "Carter's Imagination Picture Book," distributed by Kids II Inc., of Alpharetta, Ga., are being recalled because the mirror in the books can crack or break. If you have one, remove the mirror from the book and call Kids II at 877.325.7056 to arrange a refund. |
||||
RSS Subscribe
Digg This ArticleSEARCH THE SITE
