EVERYTHING
FOR YOUR FAMILY
KID
QUIPS
During last July’s 5.8 earthquake, 3-year-old Bronwyn told her 1-year-old sister, “We’re going for a wiggle.” READ MORE
Early Years (2-6)
|
||||
|
Since the day your child was born, you've probably been weighing him, measuring him, counting his growing vocabulary, and recording a handful of other statistics. But when was the last time you sized up his self-esteem? In the simplest of terms, self-esteem is the collection of feelings your child has toward himself, and these feelings can have a major impact on the way he addresses many of life's challenges, even during the preschool years. The way he acts in a classroom, participates in games, or handles new friends can all be affected by your child's self-esteem. The best time to determine if he's developing a healthy one, (and maybe give him a boost in the right direction) is as soon as it begins to show, say the experts. "It becomes very apparent around 3 or 4 years of age," says Katherine Ko, a child psychologist in Corona del Mar. "You can see that children with a lot of confidence tend to be leaders and teacher's helpers; they don't mind attempting new things and they're already trying to take charge of their own lives and start exploring the world." What if your child is one who hangs back every time you take him to school, or timidly hides behind your legs when he meets new people, or even sees familiar faces at the park? These are signs that your child may need a little help uncovering his own positive feelings of self-worth and acceptance. While some of a child's self-esteem is undeniably genetic, a large part can be nurtured by caring parents, teachers and other adults in a child's life. According to Ko, for many children it only takes a few simple steps. Let them be leaders at home When you sit down to do a project with your child - coloring, Play-Doh, or even reading a book - encourage your child to set the pace. For example, says Ko, if you are drawing with your child, ask him to draw something first. Even if it is a totally unrecognizable farm animal, study your child's picture and point out a few of its unique details. Comments such as, "That is a beautiful shade of blue you used," or, "I like the shape you drew here," reflect sincere praise your child will appreciate. Then, rather than trying to draw your own version of the same animal, build your child's pride by trying to copy his drawing. Communicate, don't alienate The way you talk to your child also can have an impact on his developing feelings of self-esteem, says Dan Gartrell, author of "The Power of Guidance: Teaching Social-Emotional Skills in Early Childhood Classrooms." Although his research focuses on methods for teachers to build children's confidence in a classroom setting, his suggestions work equally well for parents. "It's the simple difference between yelling at your kid because he's running around the house excited about something, or sitting down with them and helping them calm down and refocus on another activity," he says. "Yelling tells them they're not a worthy person." Gartrell also encourages parents to invest in one-on-one contact time with their child. For example, if they're the type who likes to talk a lot, even incessantly, don't just tell them you'll listen later, actually sit down and do it. If you continue to put them off, whether it's listening, playing a game or reading, they will begin to feel cut off and may eventually even stop asking for your attention. Follow-through also is a great skill to model for children of any age. Encourage independence and interests It might be harder today for parents to find the time and opportunities to nurture children's self-esteem, especially in families where both parents work, admits Ko, but it's not impossible. "The lack of time with parents and teachers can make it hard for children to fully explore their interests. The key is not to make them feel like those interests are on the back burner," says Ko. If your child seems interested in something, encourage her to try it out as often as possible. That doesn't necessarily mean signing her up for expensive classes, or becoming a full-fledged soccer mom. It can be as simple as buying a stack of drawing paper, or checking out some books about soccer from the local library. Your encouragement may be all she needs to discover her own talents. The experience of success goes a long way toward building positive self-esteem. Another way of setting your child up for success is to encourage their independence, says Ko. When it comes to preschoolers, start out with simple one-step tasks such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, or picking up toys. When they report that they've accomplished the task, praise them accordingly, even if their clothes don't match or they're wearing more toothpaste than smile. Resist the urge to do these things for them, even when you're in a hurry, because over time you could be sending the message that you don't think they can do it themselves. There is no magic pill for the child who needs a self-esteem boost, but look at the daily activities you and your child engage in to find opportunities to enhance individuality and confidence. Of course, like adults, all children have good and bad days, but if your child is repeatedly not wanting to go to school, or socialize with friends, or participate in group activities, you may need a little professional help. Comments such as, "I can never do anything right" may be another warning sign. The truth is that self-esteem is something that many people struggle with even as adults, but with a caring and involved parent, children can learn tools at an early age that will help them throughout their lives. Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of three living in Folsom. She is a regular contributor to The Early Years and Getting Started. To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. |
||||
RSS Subscribe
Digg This ArticleSEARCH THE SITE
