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In the past few weeks since McKenzie turned 2, her mother has been making an effort not to hover over her during play group. "She's always been the kind of baby that's constantly asking me to hold her and pick her up," explains her mom, Jannae Rockroth. "We would go the park and I'd have to spend the first hour holding her before she would go play. But since I've been trying to put a little distance between us, I've noticed that she's started to explore on her own and interact more with the other kids." By taking a few steps back, Rockroth is also taking the first steps toward encouraging her daughter to become more independent. Even at the tender age of 2, experts agree that it's not too early to start building a child's sense of self-confidence and independence, character traits that will help them throughout their lives. The key is recognizing the signs that your little one is ready to strike out on her own, and finding age-appropriate ways to help her along. "As they get bigger, their world gets bigger," says Dr. Howard Reinstein, a pediatrician and clinical assistant professor at USC. "At age 2, children are trying to develop autonomy. The parent's job is to make sure the house is child-proof, keep a watchful eye, and then let their child have the freedom to explore and manipulate their environment." If she does happen to fall, or bump into something, don't overreact, he says. If needed, console her in a calm manner and encourage her to return to playing. By hovering over a toddler, parents with the best intentions can actually impede their child's development, because the child never learns to feel safe and confident unless the parent is in immediate physical contact, he explains. Language is another tool that toddlers use to develop independence. "When they can verbalize their wants and needs, it opens up their world," says Dr. Reinstein. How can parents help? By reading aloud to a child regularly and talking to them as you work your way through simple tasks and activities, like making lunch, bathing, playing with a toy, or taking a walk. By helping a child build language skills, parents also teach how to gain better control of adverse situations by using words rather than temper tantrums. By age 3 and 4, there are even more opportunities to encourage independence in children, and one of the easiest things parents can do is offer "pseudo choices," says Dr. Reinstein. For example, pick out two outfits that you approve of and let your child select the one they prefer. This offers children an opportunity to feel like they have some control in their life (something that is becoming increasingly important to them at this age), and at the same time eliminates power struggles - another common occurrence during this stage of development. As your child becomes more independent, she will want to not only pick out her outfits but dress herself as well. Let her do it, even if it means the shorts go on backwards the first time. This simple task can be a great confidence builder for any child. Perhaps one of the most important areas parents can focus on when offering their children choices is healthy food options, says Dr. Kerry English, a developmental pediatrician at Drew-King Medical Center at UCLA. "In the younger age group, we don't give children any control over food. We tell them what to eat, where to eat and how much to eat." Instead, Dr. English suggests that parents offer children a variety of healthy foods and let them modulate their own eating behavior. By giving children the independence to make smart eating decisions at an early age, children can develop healthy eating habits that last a lifetime and avoid the current epidemic of childhood obesity. Reinstein agrees that it's important to keep it easy for youngsters to make good food choices, so he suggests avoiding open-ended queries about meals. For example, "Do you want a turkey sandwich or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" will likely elicit a more agreeable response than, "What do you want for lunch?" And even though it's bound to get messy, when your child makes a choice, let her feed herself. Eating offers other chances for children to exercise autonomy as well. Since it usually occurs in the same place - your kitchen - children quickly become familiar with serving themselves, setting up for a meal, and cleaning up after themselves. Even at 2, a child can throw away a paper plate; at 3 and 4 she can get her own cup or plate, and by 5 children can help set the table if it doesn't involve glassware or sharp knives. By contributing to the family in small ways, youngsters gain mastery of skills, and the confidence to try new things as they become developmentally ready. Simple chores not only teach children independence, but responsibility as well. When it comes to cleaning up, 2-year-olds can complete a "10-second-tidy," while older kids can maintain a neat room. "The important thing to remember," says Dr. English, "is that we all have our off days. There are occasional days when kids make a mess because they need to, and we need the wisdom to recognize when it's a unique situation and we should back off." Perhaps the easiest way to instill independence and confidence in a child is to offer them plenty of verbal encouragement. When they accomplish something, tell them how proud you are of them. It will make them want to try harder the next time. "Positive reinforcement builds self-esteem," says Dr. Reinstein. Of course, praise is something that children never outgrow, no matter how independent they become. Michele Piazzoni is a freelance writer and mother of three living in Folsom. She is a regular contributor to The Early Years and Getting Started. To reach her: mpiazzoni@hotmail.com. |
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