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The Markovsky family, Nick , Michelle, Anthony, 3, and Krista, 2, spent time together at and around their home in Yorba Linda on Saturday.
The Markovsky family, Nick , Michelle, Anthony, 3, and Krista, 2, spent time together at and around their home in Yorba Linda on Saturday.
Amy Bentley

Oct. 21 will always be a special date for Michelle and Nick Markovsky. It’s the day the Yorba Linda couple found out they would become parents twice, three years apart. 

That date does not mark the birthday of their two children. It is the date the couple adopted them after being married for 10 years and unable to conceive. Coincidentally, in both adoptions, the Markovskys were notified on Oct. 21 that a child was available.

Today, their family includes 3-year-old Anthony and a 2-year-old girl who lives with the family now and whose adoption should be finalized in May         or June.

“People don’t even understand how much life they have brought to us,” Michelle Markovsky says. “My husband and I are taking a whole new journey. We wanted to be parents. It didn’t matter how our kids came to us.” 

Most infant adoptions are done through a private agency where the biological parents choose the adoptive parents. The Markovskys’ adoption was the other way around. They adopted both of their children through the Orange County Social Services Agency, a public bureau that oversees neglected, abused or abandoned kids in foster care. 

For these kids, biological parents don’t select the adoptive parents but can request their child be placed with an approved family member.

“I would totally encourage adoption through the county. I think love and care overcomes a lot of the circumstances these kids were in. Your home environment will increase the child’s advantages in life,” says Markovsky. 

Anthony has lived with his adoptive parents since birth and was formally adopted when he was 6 months old. The Markovskys met him two days after he was born at Santa Ana Western Regional Medical Center. His birth mother was still in the hospital, but they didn’t meet her. Anthony was considered a “safely surrendered” baby because his mother legally relinquished her son on the evening he was born while at the hospital. No adoption plan had previously been in place for him. The Markovskys got a phone call and had to decide immediately if they wanted the boy.

“His birth mother was an 18-year-old teenager making the right decision,” says Markovsky, who has no information about Anthony’s biological father. “We’re so appreciative of his biological mom’s choice. I’m just very grateful. She really made her decision for her child, and I have to give her props for that.” 

In the fall, the Markovskys were notified about a little girl living with a family member who could not keep her long term. The birth mother was not able to reunite with her child, so the courts terminated her rights as a parent. Markovsky laments missing her soon-to-be daughter’s first 23 months, but observes: “We have the rest of our lives together.”

A healing home

Tony and Erin Kim of Irvine experienced a different adoption journey — and it’s not over yet. They are seeking to adopt a third child from the Orange County Social Services Agency. The Kims previously adopted a 7-week-old boy, now 5, and an 8-year-old girl, now 10. 

Before joining the Kim family, the girl had been in seven other foster care placements during a three-year time span. The Kims have two biological kids as well, ages 9 and 12, and they temporarily fostered four other children.

Unlike the Markovskys, the Kims didn’t turn to adoption due to infertility. “We really wanted to make a difference in the lives of kids in our community, so we became foster parents. It was out of a love for children,” Erin Kim says.

All of the Kims’ adoptions are open, meaning their adopted children regularly see their birth parents and other relatives. Erin Kim says she feels this is especially important for her family because her adopted kids are of mixed race and she wants them to keep in touch with         their roots.

“We see our kids’ biological families as an extension of our family. We love that our kids don’t have to question where they came from. Our kids get to stay connected to their roots and their heritage. We don’t have to search for their culture,” she says.

Kim noted that all adoptions come from loss: the loss of the child’s biological family. Neglected or abused kids in foster care also experienced pain or trauma, and Kim admits it can sometimes be difficult to care for them. 

“They don’t always want to be here. They want to be with their biological families,” she says. “We are not always one big happy family, but we are committed to one another and love each other. We know this is what our family is about. It’s definitely not easy for anybody. It’s not a perfect fairy tale ending.  

“We created a healing home, a safe home and a place where they are loved,” says Kim. “We can’t erase their pain. That’s their story and that’s their journey. We love that we get to do it with them.” 

Kim now helps train other foster and prospective adoptive parents going through the county agency. 

She wants them to understand the children have been in “survival mode” and can’t always meet the needs of the adults seeking to adopt. “We are here to meet the needs that the kids have,” she says.

A genetics decision

Dana and Eric Snyder of Newport Beach pursued adoption after losing their infant daughter in 2009 to complications from heart surgery when she was 27 days old. Her twin brother Landon, who turns 6 in May, has the same heart problem but stays healthy with frequent monitoring. 

The Snyders worried another biological child could inherit the same condition.  “We decided it wasn’t fair for that [potential] child, so we said we’d adopt. We felt God had a different plan for us,” Dana Snyder says.

They applied to adopt through House of Ruth, a private, nonprofit Christian organization in Downey that encourages pregnant women to keep their babies or adopt them out to Christian homes. The Snyders also hired a private attorney in Los Angeles. The attorney came through with a potential adoption first. 

“Within a year of signing on with him, we adopted our daughter,” says           Dana Snyder.

Baby Annalise, now 6 months old, joined the family as a newborn. 

Before this successful adoption, the attorney matched the Snyders with a different birth mother. Dana Snyder now suspects the woman was not pregnant but instead was a con artist seeking financial support from prospective adoptive parents. This type of deception can be a risk in private open adoptions where adoptive parents often provide months of financial support for birth mothers. When the Snyders became suspicious, the woman backed out.

The Snyders’ adoption through the attorney cost about $50,000. In their opinion, it was money well spent. 

  “We’re fortunate enough that we could do this,” says Snyder. The only future contact they will have with the birth mother is via photos and letters; there will be no contact between the birth mother and Annalise until she’s 18 years old.

Before jumping in to the adoption process, Dana Snyder says people must be fully committed and realize there could be a long wait. 

“Be prepared that if you’re budgeting only a certain amount of money and can’t afford it if there are pitfalls, you’ll be very upset if you have to back out,” she says. “It’s not for everyone, but if it’s something that your heart is telling you to do, have faith. The journey sometimes will exhaust you and there is the waiting period … Know that it’s not going to be forever and at some point it does happen if you stick with it.”

Adoption 101

All adoptions involve a home study of the prospective parents’ home, consent from a birth parent or legal guardian (or the court can terminate a parent’s rights), and a court proceeding to finalize the adoption. 

There are basically three types of adoption agencies: public, through a county; private, which includes both nonprofit and for-profit organizations; and faith-based adoption agencies. Many faith-based organizations serve people of any religion. 

A home study is required for every type of adoption. This is usually a two- to three-month process, though it can take longer, during which background information is collected on potential adoptive parents. It includes interviews, a home tour or inspection and lots of paperwork. 

Costs vary. If you’re adopting through a private agency, the home study can run anywhere from  $100 to $3,000. Some or all of this may be reimbursable. The county doesn’t usually require payment for a home study. 

County adoptions in general have a minimal cost. Typically, the fees involve getting your home ready to welcome a child. 

  The fees for a private infant adoption or an international adoption often top $20,000 and vary depending on several factors.  

Complicated cases

The Orange County Social Services Agency runs a state-licensed, public adoption agency that handles infant adoptions and places neglected or abused kids, or those living in hazardous conditions, in adoptive homes. The agency also seeks to find homes for “harder to place” kids — sibling groups, kids older than 6 and those with special needs. The children were either removed from parents or surrendered at birth. 

Foster kids live with the prospective adoptive parents for six months to a year or longer while county social workers and support staff train the adoptive parents to make sure that adopting a child who suffered trauma is right for them, says Angela Santos, a senior social services supervisor in adoptions with the Orange County Social Services Agency. 

“It’s about making families but they have to adjust to the kids’ needs,” she says. The families decide the level of contact they will maintain — if any — after the adoption is finalized. 

“We definitely encourage (contact) as much as possible. In most situations contact is ideal, unless there is a safety issue. We offer mediation services to families so they can meet with the birth family and come up with some type of arrangement about the level of contact they are both comfortable with,” says Santos. She noted that adoptive parents have information about the birth family and are encouraged to help their child stay in touch with siblings living in different homes who were separated as a last resort.

In 2014, the Orange County agency finalized 388 adoptions. As of November 2014, approximately 2,500 children were in foster care, Santos says, adding that the number of foster kids in any given year can reach 3,000. 

Private, open adoptions

There are some differences when using a private agency. Holy Family Services, for example, is a private, nonprofit agency serving Orange and other Southern California counties that charges $21,500 for an infant adoption; $3,000 of the cost goes to a birth parent fund. For older children who are fostered and then adopted through Holy Family, a reduced $1,500 fee is refunded after the adoption is finalized. 

Similar to many other private agencies, the infant adoption process with Holy Family includes orientations, a home study, an application, training and placement matching services, plus post-placement follow-up. 

Linda Cota-Kumagai, an outreach worker for Holy Family, says private, open adoptions have many benefits, two being that the birth parents choose the adoptive parents and the families can stay in contact. 

“You could have contact in years to come and that’s a big deal both for birth parents and the adoptee. The more history the adoptee has, the better off they are,” she says. The level of contact is up to the families involved.

  As for the waiting period, adoptive parents who are less specific about the child’s age, gender or ethnic background have shorter waits, she said. 

Last year, the wait average was one year for Holy Family, from the point of home study approval to getting an infant, Cota-Kumagai says. 

Single and gay people can adopt, says Cota-Kumagai, noting: “Seniors often make great foster and adoptive parents for some of the more challenging kids. They don’t have jobs and they have the patience for one-on-one care. We see all kinds of families these days.” 

International adoption

Fees, requirements and the wait time for international adoptions vary depending on the child’s country of origin. According to the U.S. State Department, there were 7,094 international adoptions from Oct. 1, 2012 to Sept. 30, 2013 in the United States; China led for the country of origin, with 2,306 adoptions, followed by Ethiopia, with 933 adoptions. 

Fees ranged from $5,000 to $22,755, plus travel costs. Cota-Kumagai warned that international adoptions can be risky because they are subject to political changes that might interrupt or delay the process.

No matter which route prospective parents take, adoption workers agree that the key to a successful adoption is being prepared and informed. “I would urge people to learn as much as they can about adoption and the different ways and what’s going to be best for their family,” Santos says.

“Just know it’s a journey and your education is a big part of that,” Cota-Kumagai says. “Take advantage of every class and session you can. The more education you have the better decision you’ll make. And be prepared before you jump in. The more open-minded people are, the less frustrated they will be. You just never know what’s going to happen. People do get their hearts broken and that’s tough, but hopefully the agency’s social workers can help you work through it.”