Coming from a guy who once wore a purple skirt during a 50-mile footrace in the Santa Ana Mountains, merrily taking “selfies” along the way to post later on social media sites, I’m somewhat of an expert on the topic of narcissism.
Having a teenage daughter only burnishes my credentials. I recently asked her – via text of course – whether she thinks teens today are more prone to narcissistic tendencies because of social media.
“Honestly,” Reina said, “I’m just narcissistic already without social media.”
Well, she still is a teen, and everyone knows teens tend to be self-centered, so her answer didn’t really surprise me. But she added something I also believe to be true: “Social media enables narcissistic tendencies for some people, I believe.”
As her boyfriend put it: “Social media provides an accessible platform for people to be narcissistic without reservation that would otherwise be present in conversation.” Wow, she found a smart one. But that’s fodder for another column.
Anyway, a recent study conducted by researchers at Ohio State University described narcissism as a trait that comes with a number of psychological and social problems, both in childhood and in adulthood, some of which can be serious.
Narcissistic people feel superior to others and believe they deserve special treatment, researchers said. When they feel humiliated, they often lash out aggressively or even violently. But the study didn’t point to smartphones and social media as the main culprits in how narcissistic tendencies develop. The study blamed parents – specifically parents who believe their child to be more special and entitled than others, and who lavish on them constant praise for the tiniest of accomplishments, creating in their child an overinflated ego.
In contrast, the study found, high self-esteem in children is cultivated by parents who express affection and appreciation toward their child. Lesson: Don’t tell your kids they’re better than others, but praise their accomplishments in a healthy, loving manner.
In a recent column, Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, author and founding editor of AhaParenting.com, defines narcissism, in part, as not having developed empathy for others and having an inflated view of one’s capabilities. “All teenagers are self-centered and insecure,” Markham writes. “All of them are still figuring out a realistic assessment of their capabilities and where they fit in the world. All of them are still developing good judgment and tend to be in denial about risk.”
Janice Christensen, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Anaheim, said there’s no question social media reinforces narcissistic tendencies. “The entire platform is made for the purpose of broadcasting one’s own experience. This exercise can reinforce a false sense of self-importance, especially in teens.”
Christensen also highlights that empathy is a character quality that helps keeps narcissism in check. Empathy, she said, is the skill of understanding and caring about someone else’s perspective, experience or emotion. “Although we scroll through an entire newsfeed of other people’s posts, when perspectives differ, gentle dialogue for the purpose of truly gaining understanding is mostly absent,” Christensen said. “Social media is simply not conducive to the type of dialogue required for learning empathy.”
Christensen said learning empathy requires “personal, genuinely loving relationships in which gentle feedback is given and responsibility is required.”
It seems reasonable to say that social media doesn’t create narcissists, but it sure doesn’t help in nurturing empathy. And it’s clear that although teens get a bad rap, some of the most obnoxious “look-at-me” people on Facebook, my preferred social media platform, are well into adulthood.
As for me, well, I no longer wear a purple skirt. But I’m partial, at times, to the occasional pink headband or compression socks.
Come on, have some empathy.
