As a former soccer player, Michalyn Bauman was excited to introduce her children to the sport she has always loved. When her son Paul was 5, he joined an AYSO soccer team and, in the years that followed, improved enough to play on a competitive team. Bauman enjoyed being a proud soccer mom, cheering him on from the sidelines.
Then, when Paul was 10, he told his parents he wanted to quit soccer so he could concentrate on baseball year-round.
Bauman admits the moment made her a little sad.
“Every parent holds out the dream that your kid is going to play the sport that you played,” she admits. She says she also worried that he might be setting himself up for burnout by limiting himself to baseball.
“Once you leave a sport, oftentimes it’s hard to come back, and that’s tough, especially for boys,” says Bauman. “I’m very concerned about his only doing one sport. It’s good to have different options.”
So what should you do when your child announces he wants to quit piano lessons, Scouting, a sports team or any other extracurricular activity? Should you make him suck it up and continue? Or concede that it is his life and his choice?
In Bauman’s case, she says she came to support Paul’s decision to quit soccer by observing how much he really seemed to be enjoying and learning from baseball. Never fond of math, he was poring over pitch counts and batting statistics and delving into new techniques to make himself a better pitcher.
Now a seventh-grader at St. Junipero Serra Catholic School in Rancho Santa Margarita, Paul is thriving on his baseball team, and his mom is a proud “baseball parent.”
“It has to be a commitment, which means going when you don’t want to go,” Bauman says. “That commitment is key, because it relates to everything in life. Once you commit for a season, you commit.”
Karyn Rashoff, an author and educational consultant who spent three decades as a high school counselor, also tackles the quitting question in her latest book, “Kids in Musicianland: 5 Reasons to Stick With It.”
“We parents have to choose our battles. One of the battles I chose was ‘You’re sticking with music,’ ” says Rashoff, whose son played the cello.
Rashoff says she regretted quitting music lessons in her own youth, and after several decades, found great joy in coming back to music as an adult by joining several choral groups. That inspired her to write a book aimed at middle and high school students, noting they are at the ripe age of quitting because of busy schedules.
“Starting high school is an exciting time. Students get to try new things, and they should take advantage of whatever opportunities come up, like student government or sports,” says Rashoff. “That said, there’s just so many hours in the day.”
But in the case of music, students should think twice about giving it up completely, she says.
“Have you ever met an adult who said he was glad he quit his instrument when he was young? Probably not. And how about you? Most of us say we wish we’d stuck with it,” she writes in “Musicianland.”
When your child comes to you saying they want to quit an activity – be it music, sports or something else – Rashoff suggests you work with them to brainstorm why they want to quit and make a pros and cons list to spell it out.
“The thing students need to know is what opportunities that activity will bring to them now and in the future,” says Rashoff. “They also need to ask themselves, how does making music make you feel? Are you willing to go without that special feeling if you quit?”
Parents should also do some investigating into the whys behind a child’s desire to quit. Could it be a question of scaling back the time of practice sessions or taking a break for the summer?
Would finding a new Scout troop or different drama class improve the experience? Or is there a completely new activity that a child wants to try that isn’t possible given their current commitments?
Rashoff says one friend, a parent of four girls who played musical instruments throughout their schooling years, always focused on short-term commitments rather than the long haul.
While it may be daunting for an 8-year-old to think about playing the violin until high school graduation, the same child could commit to the next three or six months.
“Practicing can be a drag, but it is good for you. Practice teaches problem-solving and stick-to-it-iveness,” Rashoff says.
Rashoff has this advice for adolescents and their families:
“Keep an open mind about what life has in store for you. Whether it is a background of music or golf or whatever, it is good to get a foundation of a skill. And parents, keep the doors open for your kids. If they show an interest in something, go for it.”
And even if your child pursues an activity for just a brief period of time, that doesn’t mean the experience isn’t valuable or that they will never go back to it.
Rashoff recalls that when her son was a little boy, he played in a summer tennis camp for just one week.
“Now, at age 26, he’s playing tennis in a league in Los Angeles. You never know what they are going to branch into later,” she says.
