Do twins run in your family? Are your son and daughter identical? Do you have help? Do you want more children? Moms of multiples learn early on to field these amusing questions, along with the occasional unwanted advice and horror story with a grain of salt. Moms of multiples are often punctual and run a tight ship at home. Their children typically go to bed at the same time every night, and the moms almost always have a sense of humor. For most, this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes sleepless nights, duct-taped diapers, baby gate and crib failures, and accidentally locking the kids and keys inside the car before they truly get the hang of wrangling multiple children. Here are tips from local moms and dads with twins, triplets or more on how to survive and thrive when parenting multiples.
Join a mothers of multiples group. The support from other moms of multiples is like no other. They just get it. Arrange play dates regularly. There are Facebook groups for dads of multiples too. smomc.org, ocmom.org, facebook.com/groups/119173391487343
Stick to a schedule. Having infants on the same sleeping and feeding schedule is the key to your sanity. Consider reading “Baby Wise” or consulting with a sleep specialist, and have everyone in the household on board with your plan.
Plan ahead. The baby shower, baby moon, pregnancy photos and nursery should all be completed before the 28-week pregnancy mark. Multiples often arrive ahead of schedule and may need to spend time in the neonatal intensive care unit. Learn everything you can from the NICU nurses.
Tell people how they can help. Hire a housecleaner and enlist in delivery services if you can afford it. Don’t be afraid to ask family, friends and even neighbors to pick up groceries or drop off dinner and a bottle of wine.
Ditch the dishes. Save the sink for bathing babies and stock up on paper plates, plastic cups and silverware for the first few months.
Enjoy the attention from strangers. Everyone is curious about the special magic of having two or three babies at once, and they will ask seemingly funny questions. Enjoy it; it won’t happen forever!
Follow your mommy instinct. Everyone will ask if you have help or say that you need it. Unwanted advice can create self-doubt. Find what works best for you and your family.
Lose the need to impress everyone, including yourself. Birthing multiple lives in one pregnancy is an accomplishment in itself. Spotless matching outfits, a clean house, a decorated nursery, tandem breastfeeding, or even having well-behaved children can add to your parenting experience, but every day that you love, hold, feed and change your babies is a victory.
Be flexible. Don’t be disappointed if your babies don’t follow your birthing plan, you’re unable to breastfeed or one kid wakes up early from a nap. Embrace those magical bonding moments.
Make date night a priority. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, take time to connect with your partner on a more intimate level.
You don’t need two of everything. Buy used when possible and register for items they will need a year out such as convertible car seats or high chairs if you have the storage space.
Clear the clutter. Baby gear will occupy every inch of space in your home for the first two years. Staying organized can improve your physical and mental health. Try to sort through clothing and toys once a month and sell, give away or store items in the garage.
Remember that each child is an individual. Even though they will have an inseparable bond forever, take pictures and videos of them as individuals too, and jot down milestones.
Be patient. Everything takes longer with multiples.
Embrace your body. Your body has gone through an incredible transformation. Whether it’s taking a shower, wearing mascara, or getting a pedicure, anything you can do to help your self-esteem will make you feel better as a person and a mom.
Contact the writer: Dawn Antis serves on the board of directors for the Saddleback Mothers of Multiples Club and is the mother of twins.
