After writing about boys’ coming-of-age ceremonies a couple of weeks ago, I decided it was only fair to explore coming-of-age ceremonies for girls. Plus, I promised my daughter that I would.
While most of the male ceremonies seem to focus on physical toughness and becoming manly, the girls’ ceremonies often had an original goal of preparing the young woman for marriage.
The quinceañara, a celebration of a girl’s 15th birthday in Latin America, began as a ceremony to introduce girls who were ready for marriage. Leading up to this birthday, they were taught by the elder women in their communities to cook, weave and raise children.
Today, the ceremony begins with a special mass during which the girl renews her baptismal vows and recommits herself to her family and faith. A giant party follows. There are symbolic gestures: The honoree might give a doll to a younger girl at the party as a symbol of leaving childhood behind; there’s often a father-daughter dance, and a tradition of the father removing the girl’s slippers and replacing them with high-heeled shoes to signify her transition to womanhood.
A debutante’s coming-out party, or debut, also originally started as an entrance into society when the girl was ready to be wed. The ball was used to display her to eligible bachelors. Debutantes in the United States are typically ages 16 to 21 and must usually be recommended by a distinguished committee or sponsored by an established member of elite society to gain entrance to a ball, typically their mothers or other female relatives. The debutantes, wearing white gowns and satin or kid gloves, stand in a receiving line, then are introduced individually to the audience.
Many Jewish girls celebrate their bat mitzvahs at age 12, and Catholic girls have confirmation. Both of these are similar to the boys’ ceremonies and focused on an affirming religious faith and responsibility. They also involve parties – often extravagant ones, particularly the bat mitzvahs.
Less familiar ceremonies take place in other cultures.
The Orika tribe in Nigeria keeps girls in “fattening rooms” for six months, where they eat rich local foods in order to become plump for marriage. After that, they go to the river to perform a ritual in which they sing traditional songs in order to break their romantic relationships with water spirits.
Young women of the Mentawai tribe, a small community on Siberut Island in Indonesia, sharpen their teeth into points with a rock and chisel when they reach puberty. In their culture, sharp teeth are a symbol of beauty.
Girls in the west African Fula tribe have their faces tattooed for several hours with a sharpened piece of wood. Similar to many boys’ ceremonies, the girls must not grimace while they’re enduring the painful ritual.
While I couldn’t find mention of marriage in either of these, I can only guess that’s why these women are being made “beautiful.”
One of the longer ceremonies is performed by the Apaches and seems to be more about becoming a strong woman than preparing for wedded bliss. The four-day ritual reenacts the Apache creation story. The girls, after their first period, are isolated in tents where they move through the stages of life: infant, child, adolescent then woman. They put up their own lodge because they must prove they can house themselves. They are hand-fed by their mothers – symbolically eating as a baby one last time. They run in four directions, symbolizing the four stages of life, and dance for several hours each evening in preparation for the final all-night dance that will test their endurance.
They prepare for months beforehand, including training physically, and the result is often that their bodies are stronger and healthier for this new chapter in their lives.
During the last day, the girls bless their people with pollen, “heal” anyone who comes forward to be healed, and receive many gifts.
This ceremony struck me as particularly beautiful. It involves the community of women and takes great care to prepare girls spiritually, physically and mentally for the world ahead. It’s no longer commonly practiced, but has been revived in certain places since the 1990s. Some of the new variations on this ceremony now involve bringing in a nutritionist to talk to the girls about their health. They learn about sex and the importance of seeing a doctor.
My family doesn’t have any coming-of-age ceremonies in its history, but I like the idea of doing something for my daughter as she grows older to celebrate becoming a woman. I haven’t figured out yet just what that will be, though I can assure you that I won’t sharpen her teeth or trap her in a fattening room. Maybe she can pitch her own tent when we go camping this summer. It’s a start.
Contact the writer: Twitter: @heatherskylerhskyler@ocregister.comheatherskyler.com
