My husband and I have raised two very feminist daughters – more feminist than either of us, actually. Maybe not in actual beliefs (though that probably is true as well – it’s hard to correct 50 years of societal conditioning) but my kids are at least aware of various language slip-ups and gender assumptions. And they’re always quite happy to correct us if we falter. The other day I came into the room to find my 16-year-old baking. “Gingerbread men!” I said. “They’re gingerbread people,” she said, coolly.
Merriam-Webster’s defines feminism as the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Naysayers of feminism sometimes report radicalism and man-hating as its defining features, but in reality, feminists want something simple: for little girls and boys to see endless possibilities ahead of them.
Today, gender inequality stretches across society, from harassment to glass ceilings, but spotting gender bias in everyday life can be tricky. A useful tip from Caitlin Moran’s book, “How to Be a Woman,” reads: “You can tell whether some misogynistic societal pressure is being exerted on women by calmly inquiring, ‘And are the men doing this, as well?’ If they aren’t, chances are you’re dealing with what we strident feminists refer to as ‘some total %$%$ing bull%$#%.’”
So that’s Item 1:
1. Teach your kid to ask “Are the men doing it, too?”
Are the men wearing skimpy costumes? Are the men’s professional achievements prefaced by a note of their gender? Are the men being asked who they’re wearing at entertainment award shows? Last year, a video of actress Keira Knightley went viral when she turned the table on a reporter when asked about how she balances her work and personal life by asking, “Are you going to ask all the men that tonight?”
2. Point out gender bias when you see it
Did you know that Fisher-Price now makes a “girl” version of its classic Corn Popper push toy? It’s pink, as if toddlers even care! When I discover things like this, I get shocked and end up ranting to/at my kids. But you can try to be better than me and maybe just have a nice, calm, intellectual discussion instead.
3. Expose them to the world
“Ever since my son was little, he’s been exposed to women doing all kinds of different things. I think that helps a lot,” says Rebecca Dolhinow, associate professor of women and gender studies at Cal State Fullerton and the mother of a 4-year-old son. “They see that anyone can be a firefighter, and there are all kinds of relationships. It’s much easier seeing it than trying to teach it to a child.”
4. Have discussions about sexism in books, movies and life in general
Lots of things can lead to good talks about gender issues. In Dolhinow’s son’s kindergarten class, for example, the kids didn’t get to choose which gender of pilgrim costume they wanted to make at Thanksgiving. “For things like that, you have to teach a little extra lesson when you get home. Ask, ‘How was your day?’ and you’ll hear all those great stories. You have to find a nice way to not dismiss everything that happened but to widen the discussion. You can say, ‘What do you think would have happened if …?’ Give them tools to interpret what they see every day so they can decide for themselves.”
5. Adjust books to your liking
There’s a passage in Dr. Seuss’ “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish” that reads “All girls who like to brush and comb should have a pet like this at home.”
Maybe it was sacrilege to mess with the good doctor, but when I read it to my little girls, I changed it to “all kids who like to brush and comb.” In older books about firemen, postmen and the like, I’d change the term or gender to PC it up. And if the fireman, er, firefighter, was a bear or something that didn’t seem particularly gendered, I might have decided that character was a girl and read it as that.
6. Teach children to advocate for themselves and others
“Long before we can address social injustice, we have to know deeply that we have a right to justice. We also need to know how to speak up on our own behalf and in support of others,” says Shira Tarrant, professor in the Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies department at Cal State Long Beach and author of “Gender, Sex, and Politics: In the Streets and Between the Sheets in the 21st Century.” “This is why child-centered parenting, active listening and respect for children’s emotional and intellectual landscapes are so central to parenting feminist kids. These parenting styles support our children in identifying and articulating their own experiences and their observations of the world around them.”
